I've been learning Japanese for quite a while now. I can read and write it quite well! But when it comes to speaking it...
... it's like a whole nother language
There's a lot of hype surrounding web3, but I'm not quite sold.
It just seems a little odd to me.
My friend Derrick is quite a big thing in oil.
My wife doesn’t think anyone else will get that, please help me prove her wrong.
My friend is quite the inventor. He's managed to create a lightbulb powered only by wordplays.
Now he has a socket full of punshine.
A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
I got myself into quite a pickle...
...And I don't know how to dill with it.
I know right, it leaves me quite in a pickle
I used to be quite a ladies man, chasing skirts all over the world.
Until I got to Scotland and, boy, was I surprised!!!
It caused quite a stir when the hospital took delivery of a 600 lb piano when the pianist died.
Turns out the pianist was an organ donor
I bought some garden furniture the other day from a lady that looked quite like a rodent.
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats."
I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits."
HUH?
Because of all the hops they use!
A wheat farmer caught a thief on his property who gave him quite the headache.
“Actually, they’re my grains” he said.
Quite a plane conversation
world's in quite a pickle already
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die" and I was quite surprised that...
"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.
Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'
What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?
There's quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Quite a low bar indeed....
Getting quite tired of my friends calling me a pathological liar
Being the head of the NSA during the week and captaining the International Space Station on the weekends can be very exhausting
I had a pile of RAM, but I can't quite recall where I put it
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
It's quite hard to beat a toilet at poker...
I was standing with my friend at a bus stop yesterday when he said to me "I don't think you quite understand irony"
Which was ironic because we were standing at a bus stop
I've got a puppy that's quite smart, but won't stop chewing on everything
So I named him gnaw-it-all
People say I'm not quite a fool
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
Novelty exit signs are quite a rage in my town these days.
But I think they are on the way out.
Not quite a dad joke, but worth a share.
When I was 15 I asked my dad if I was a mistake. Without skipping a step he responded: "Not until after you were born."
She's becoming quite a head turner
I made myself a turkey sandwich for lunch with pepperjack and thousand island. It wasn't quite a reuben...
...but I would say it was rubenesque.
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
The Salvation Army Thrift Store near me has a quite punny sign today.
I’ve actually got quite a number of math jokes.
I can count them all if you’d like.
There was a line of people outside of the gym I workout at the other day. I found it quite weird as the line of people were paying money just to hit each other.
Guess you could call it a punchline.
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
I thought a snail would be faster without it's shell but actually it is quite sluggish
I hear there's a fairy tale princess who actually knows quite a few dad jokes.
In Russell Crowe's new film he stars as a man that ate his wife and is quite pleased with himself in
A penny for your thoughts has depreciated quite a bit since that saying was first coined.
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