it has a bit of veneer missing.
Jen, you in the living room?
No yolk
That's a real leaf.
Me: shrugs “okay, Jen, you in the kitchen?”
Bereave you me.
When he tells people he always says he's "diabolic" before correcting himself. 15 years at least he's been saying it and it never gets old.
A propagator.
Driving out of the parking lot:
Me: Oh look, it's Left Turn only. All-right.
This one got a hearty, genuine laugh. Does it still count as a 'dad joke'?
Technically a riddle not a joke but it's always amused me. My dad told me this well over 30 years ago.
"I asked you to paint a sign for my pub "The Dog And Duck" but you didn't leave enough space between "Dog" and "And" and "And" and "Duck.".
Wife: "Do you know Trevor Wang?"
My 9 year old son Xavier: "You mean Trevor Wong? Yeah, he's a trouble maker."
Wife: "Trevor? No he's not, he's a good kid."
Me: "I think Xavier's right and Trevor's Wong."
rimshot
I actually got a laugh. I'm gonna savor this time while my son still likes my dad jokes.
Because it’s capsized.
I keep telling her it's the 25th letter of the alphabet.
[removed]
If you have wine from that time is it genuine?
He felt your presents
Oops. Wrong sub.
Because if they were boys and we’d call them uncles.
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
It’s just a mythunderstanding.
The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said. Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser Me: no that’s Aquaman Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖
A w-anchor.
"Because he's JOHN SEE NAH (No see)"
- my boomer dad who I thought he's asking a genuine question
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
I named it The Trail Mix.
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.
Edit: I genuinely didn’t know this was a repost my dad told it to me and I thought it was worthy.
Me: How do you make a milkshake?
Dad: Tell it a scary story!
I guess we were raised defferently.
Me: "Heh, Barrack Obamas initials are B. O."
Dad: "Wow, that stinks."
It was a lie of emission.
Expensive
An irrelephant...
No punchline, my Dad genuinely doesn't tell me any jokes. But he does have a nickname for me...
