I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table... I know it’s genuine because . . .

it has a bit of veneer missing.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a genuine question

Jen, you in the living room?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I live in genuine terror of boiling an egg and cracking it open to find a dead, boiled chick inside

No yolk

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.

That's a real leaf.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œAsk me a genuine question!”

Me: shrugs β€œokay, Jen, you in the kitchen?”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When I die Iβ€˜m expecting lots of crying, lots of wailing, genuine sadness.

Bereave you me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
(Genuine) My dad has been Diabetic (type 1) since he was 19

When he tells people he always says he's "diabolic" before correcting himself. 15 years at least he's been saying it and it never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dlittlefair1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a genuine cockney alligator?

A propagator.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandysingssongs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Got a genuine laugh from this one...

Driving out of the parking lot:

Me: Oh look, it's Left Turn only. All-right.

This one got a hearty, genuine laugh. Does it still count as a 'dad joke'?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/socalitguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Write a genuine sentence that has the word "and" five times consecutively.

Technically a riddle not a joke but it's always amused me. My dad told me this well over 30 years ago.

"I asked you to paint a sign for my pub "The Dog And Duck" but you didn't leave enough space between "Dog" and "And" and "And" and "Duck.".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BitcoinBanker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I got a genuine laugh when I dad joked my wife and 9 year old son today. :) Wife: Do you know Trevor Wang?

Wife: "Do you know Trevor Wang?"

My 9 year old son Xavier: "You mean Trevor Wong? Yeah, he's a trouble maker."

Wife: "Trevor? No he's not, he's a good kid."

Me: "I think Xavier's right and Trevor's Wong."

rimshot

I actually got a laugh. I'm gonna savor this time while my son still likes my dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 847
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter always asks me "Why?"

I keep telling her it's the 25th letter of the alphabet.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
2000’s kids are generation Z and 80’s-90’s kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.

If you have wine from that time is it genuine?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deaderson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Cereal and parallel
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siv314271
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas

He felt your presents

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you want to hear a genuinely good joke?

Oops. Wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I've genuinely lost my voice

Said no one, ever

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do we know all ants are girls?

Because if they were boys and we’d call them uncles.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chawjubs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

β€œWell, I guess now you really are… independent"

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this on Instagram and I genuinely found it funny πŸ˜…
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeet-lol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...

...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"

(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Confusing Venus with Aphrodite is no big deal.

It’s just a mythunderstanding.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatoneevilpigeon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The first time I genuinely laughed at a customer’s joke

The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said. Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser Me: no that’s Aquaman Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Pan left
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supercoincidence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I genuinely got them mixed up, but it worked beautifully
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PadlingtonYT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sailor who you don’t like?

A w-anchor.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Lungs at stake
πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dammchicka
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is John Cena always invisible?

"Because he's JOHN SEE NAH (No see)"

  • my boomer dad who I thought he's asking a genuine question
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawaii-lau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.

So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I can be like that parent when I grow up
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a playlist of songs from Eminem, The Cranberries, and the Peanuts.

I named it The Trail Mix.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo

After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Took me a minute...
πŸ‘︎ 340
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/richcowlonglegs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do cats like to read?

Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enginerrsarekool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I genuinely have a dentist appointment this week at 2:30.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamerkid001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What did 50 cent do when he got hungry?

Edit: I genuinely didn’t know this was a repost my dad told it to me and I thought it was worthy.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJ4mmer
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I genuinely wanted to know...

Me: How do you make a milkshake?

Dad: Tell it a scary story!

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jharlow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend likes to take the stairs but I prefer taking the elevator

I guess we were raised defferently.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This is the first dad joke my dad has made in years, and it made me genuinely furious.

Me: "Heh, Barrack Obamas initials are B. O."

Dad: "Wow, that stinks."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_A_DOGE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
🚨︎ report
I farted and blamed it on the dog.

It was a lie of emission.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleMcDouble
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
We all know racecar backwards is racecar, but what is racecar upside down?

Expensive

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukewarm_tequila
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrelephant...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad never told me a Dad joke

No punchline, my Dad genuinely doesn't tell me any jokes. But he does have a nickname for me...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zillax90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.