Literal puns are the best
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Literal pun patrol
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellaAir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Literal pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigjambo1
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Literal Puns are his forte.

So I walk into the kitchen and see my Dad grab a big knife to cut some vegetables. "Whoa Dad, thought you just drew a knife on me." He proceeds to grab a sharpie and draw a knife on my forearm, then continues his vegetable chopping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheshireCatXD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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My friend is very literal

He trips on every metaphor he stumbles across

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Hospital statement ends up being too literal.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vt8919
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Imagine being such a literal piece of trash...

That sure would stink

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addog2323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Saw this at the store today. I didn’t realize they were literal when they called it invisible...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crescuesanimals
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Maybe just a little to literal
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cparara1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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This is a literal dad joke.

My dad was eating peacons that he had on the counter. He noticed some ants on him but just brushed them off and kept eating after 3 handfuls he realized where all these ants where coming from "the ants are eating my peacons!"

Then of course he said.. Well at least I won't be sick becasue I took my... ANTiBODIES

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hollystar2004
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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A literal "fan base"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctzn4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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A Literal Dad Joke

So me and my dad were eating waffles and he pointed at a box of his almond crackers and said "with these crackers and the almond milk in my coffee I am turning into a nut". After humoring him with a small laugh, I said time to put this on r/dadjokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadowbird375
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Im a literal sorcerer

I always use spellchecking

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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A grammar Nazi is a literal fascist
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gekosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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This is my elevator pitch. I run a company that sells literal things.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheepschemes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
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Dad gives daughter a literal Frozen doll for Christmas.

http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2014-12-29/dad-gives-daughter-a-frozen-doll-for-christmas-literally

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theroonco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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Literal seal of approval.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonjuniorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
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Most literal dad joke

So I'm in the car with my girlfriend and her family. (Mind you I am 17 but a dad joke king) I was still getting to know her dad and a bit scared of him still. He's a nice guy but I hadn't bonded with him much yet, so I jumped on the opportunity to make a dad joke. (I don't remember what it was exactly) And he loved it and laughed pretty hard. At this point, my girlfriend turns to me and says,"He loved that! Keep saying dad jokes!"

I looked her in the eyes for a couple seconds and she seemed confused until I slowly repeat,"Dad jokes. Dad jokes. Dad jokes." This earned me a swift punch to the shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kemp2288
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
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ASCII emoticons are literal type faces
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supersanicpotato
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
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My gf told me she gets weirded out when I'm too literal.

So I gave her a piece of my mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poohonhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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Literal Dad Joke

Wife and I were talking about how well our baby has been sleeping and she says "I think I wanna night ween her". Surprised by what I thought she said, I say - "I'll give you night wiener!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungryforpower
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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When Canaan Banana became President of Zimbabwe in 1980 he made it the only literal Banana Republic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinie_Snipah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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A literal dad joke.

I'm not yet a dad, but I've already decided that when my first child is born and my mother says "jakeinator21, you're a father" I'm going to respond "that's apparent". It will be glorious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeinator21
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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Literal Dad Joke from today - "This Beers Pretty good though"

"Of Coors its good"

then loses his shit

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2016
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Literal dad is literal.

A text conversation taking place within the last 15 minutes

Me: what are you up to?

Dad: About 5'10"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itakehappypills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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The title of Father for a priest is more literal than i thought...

Priest: Did you know that the 13th letter of the Greek Alphabet is "nu"

Pause

Priest: So next time someone asks you "Whats new?" Just tell them "Its the thirteenth letter of the Greek Alphabet!"

groans and polite laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackOptx
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
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