No yolk
That's a real leaf.
Me: shrugs “okay, Jen, you in the kitchen?”
Bereave you me.
When he tells people he always says he's "diabolic" before correcting himself. 15 years at least he's been saying it and it never gets old.
A propagator.
Driving out of the parking lot:
Me: Oh look, it's Left Turn only. All-right.
This one got a hearty, genuine laugh. Does it still count as a 'dad joke'?
Technically a riddle not a joke but it's always amused me. My dad told me this well over 30 years ago.
"I asked you to paint a sign for my pub "The Dog And Duck" but you didn't leave enough space between "Dog" and "And" and "And" and "Duck.".
Wife: "Do you know Trevor Wang?"
My 9 year old son Xavier: "You mean Trevor Wong? Yeah, he's a trouble maker."
Wife: "Trevor? No he's not, he's a good kid."
Me: "I think Xavier's right and Trevor's Wong."
rimshot
I actually got a laugh. I'm gonna savor this time while my son still likes my dad jokes.
He felt your presents
[removed]
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
It’s just a mythunderstanding.
Oops. Wrong sub.
A w-anchor.
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖
The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said. Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser Me: no that’s Aquaman Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh
Edit: I genuinely didn’t know this was a repost my dad told it to me and I thought it was worthy.
I guess we were raised defferently.
I named it The Trail Mix.
My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...
We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.
When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.
That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .
It was a lie of emission.
Expensive
Me: How do you make a milkshake?
Dad: Tell it a scary story!
An irrelephant...
I just got out of jail for shoplifting.
Me: "Heh, Barrack Obamas initials are B. O."
Dad: "Wow, that stinks."
The approval rating of dad jokes in my household has fallen farther and harder than Hans off Nakatomi in my household of late. Not to be a big baby, but it's been really disheartening for me.
We all know our dad jokes can get tiring and annoying; that's part of the point. True masters carefully toe the line between just enough and too much, and to great effect. We do it because we genuinely want to bring joy to those around us with almost child-like mirth.
Not be able to share that with my family lately has been disappointing.
But coming to this sub warms my heart. So thank you to all of you here.
I am very grateful. #obligatoryset-up;)
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
HeHe.
my biology teacher told this one in class today.
i was the only student that found it genuinely funny.
the class was silent, besides me. i was laughing. really hard.
:'(
I ask, can you left with your left hand?
Many students gave me props for the dad joke. One student said I sound like their dad. While I have no kids of my own, I’m glad I get to practice my dad jokes on my students.
> I added half and half
No punchline, my Dad genuinely doesn't tell me any jokes. But he does have a nickname for me...
