What repeatable, documented procedure do artists use when formulating the perfect shade of blue?

The Cyantific Method!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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The found documented evidence of which knight built King Arthur's round table

It was Sir Cumference.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuckereh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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According to official NASA documents they have Aliens on the ISS.

They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imaginator127
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What are two documents that don't make sense?

A paradox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StripedTiger711
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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My doctor forgot to document my blood type.

It was a typo.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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How does a lumberjack sign his documents?

With an X.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alepanino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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What’s the saying for when your protein powder gets spilled on your legal documents which divide all of your property after death?

Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadowlast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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What do you call someone who burns all their loan documents?

Bernadette

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YetiFromJersey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I got sick whilst scanning documents to .pdf ....

The doctor said it's because I'm an anti-faxxer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefourblackbars
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Yo, homie. You know of any good computer programs for typing up documents?

Word.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Why can't you email a document to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukesky1313
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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I have 2 part-time jobs. For one, I put sodas into aluminum containers. For the other, I document a person's desires regarding what happens to their property after death

I can and I will.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.

The poor man dyed a loan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Where does a farmer document the milk production of his cows?

In his dairy!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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What do you call a document filled with child predators?

pedofile

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kissaskakana
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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My girlfriend asked me how to convert a document to PDF...

But I’ve never heard of that religion before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Why should you never trust an Excel document?

Because they spread sheet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I asked the surfer dude if he had a document laying out the things to do in his beautiful city. He said:

Bro, sure

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Paddy and his wife are on holiday in England visiting Historical Sites.

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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True story: I wanted to print a dozen copies of a document, but selected 'Number of Copies: 12' on both MS Word and the printer itself, just to be sure. Turns out, it treated that as 12 times 12 copies.

I soon discovered that I had made a gross error of judgment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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If you write documentation for a pie chart, is it part of your dessertation?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dynendal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I need a special pair of spectacles to read legal documents...

Contract lenses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I would consider myself a pretty rad dad, so here you go: "Why wasn't the document allowed at the children's party?"

"Why wasn't the document allowed at the children's party?"

Because he was a PDF File!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathnautPrime
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
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This boat in Fiji has the best name ever
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__hey__its__me__
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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Have you heard about the homicidal maniac who papercuts people to death with terms and conditions documents?

He’s a contract killer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I have a friend who works turning Arabic documents into English

Everytime I try to talk to him he's lost in translation.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuclearTortoise
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Why does the cat spew out documents?

Because he thinks he’s a prr-inter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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I melted in the 103 degree Dallas heat just to document this pun - I hope it was worth it..... imgur.com/lRgYEuB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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What does the pope use to hold documents together?

Papal clips.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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Bill and his friend Dave both needed to get some legal documents notarized

Bill and his friend Dave both needed to get some legal documents notarized, so they went to the notary together. Bill asked the notary if he could go first because Dave had quite a few items and Bill had one. The notary said, β€œSorry. You sign affidavit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vienna_Snausage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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This entire article about fonts & document forgery arstechnica.com/tech-poli…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otwo3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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Today, I challenged my colleague to a document typing contest.

Now it is his Word against mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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I took some personal documents I had to the gym today

So they could get shredded

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkeytravler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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Why can't Dalai Lama receive any documents by email?

Because you can't send Dalai Lama an email with attachments

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arbitrabbit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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My boss asked me to skim through a document

So today at work, my boss asked us to skim through a document regarding a new/old procedure. When she finished I ask if I could almond milk it since I don't drink dairy.

They actually laughed.

I don't know if I should feel proud or embarrassed for them that they thought it was actually funny.

Maybe a bit of a and b.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prockles
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
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A tumblr documenting the life of a tater tot i.taterthought.tumblr.com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cedarmetimbers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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Dad joked by a word document

So I'm working a summer desk job where one of my duties is to print and cut out stencils to use in labeling materials. I open up the stencils file so I can use an existing document and make sure I get the formatting right.

I was going to pick the first one when one near the bottom stood out. The document was named "Walrus". None of what the business does deals with aquatic life. All the other things are named after what they are, such as "Sheets" "Towels" etc. So, for curiosity's sake, I had to open the document--

And the stencil said "5-Foot Seal". I groaned at my desk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runaroundsue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
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Why do Buddhist monks never send you Word documents through email?

Because they're not supposed to have any attachments!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rootoftruth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Got the banker today

Me: signs document

Banker: "Oh, sorry, you also have to swear to the information on this paper"

Me: "Well, that's kinda weird."

Banker: "Yeah, since this is a sworn document, you have to swear. It's weird, I know."

holds up piece of paper and makes a concentrated face

"Fuck!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tapeleg91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2015
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Jason Bourne...

... is reliving the same day over and over in "Bourne Again"

... travels to the past to stop a terrorist attack in "Bourne yesterday"

... finally settles down and has a baby in "New Bourne"

... de-evolves into a feral beast who prowls the wilderness in "Bourne to be Wild"

Firstly, I think they really missed a trick naming these films.

Secondly... I know there are more of these...

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalMikey666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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Technically, Moses is the first person to...

Download a document from the cloud using a tablet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevinxiehk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I watched a program on National Geographic, where they showed a huge plant which had grown papers instead of leaves.

It was a document-tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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