Impersonal Puns

I had to put my foot down.

Elvish

She had a leg up the whole time

D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.

... What do you know. It's not that Symbol.

RuBarb

Crocabilly

More on this after the break.

So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.

"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"

She wasn't as amused as I was.

I was just sitting around doing nothing.

"It wasn't me."

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

She was doing Poke-her Face.

Shia LeScruff

Don't weeeeoooww

He was afraid to come out of the claw-set.

He did a Great Impression.

A saddist

I didn't realise it at first but all the signs were there

A Sham-Rock! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

He performs under the name Elvis Singh

A Good Imperson-tater

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHmLWJ8TYuk

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

I asked if she had ever heard of the local horse impersonator? That man neighs!

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

One day my dad & I were driving home from fishing and a Neil Diamond song was on the radio. My dad said, "This is actually an impersonator called Neil Sapphire." I immediately responded, "Don't you mean Neil Cubic Zirconia?" His groan was priceless to me back then, and I'm waiting for the day my son will do that to me.

(true story from ~30 years ago)

She sees a billboard and groans.

"What?" I say.

"Look at that sign, I already know what you're going to say."

The Sign reads, "LIVE: Elvis impersonator!" ^ ^ "Well I've heard he's WAY better than the DEAD Elvis impersonator."

We have recently been having problems with the plumbing, water draining very slowly etc. We tried different chemicals on different days to try and fix it before biting the bullet and getting someone clear them for us.

First day I started out with HCl and told my wife I was "going off to drop some acid." She groaned.

A few days later we switched to NaOH and I brushed my hair to the side and asked my wife if she liked my Skrillex impersonation. She told me it wasn't a very good impersonation. I said "hold your judgment for when I drop the base.".... She threatened me with a knife and told me to get out while laughing.

Padmé "hold me, Anakin. Like the way you used to on Naboo..."

Me (impersonating Anakin) "Nah boo, it ain't like dat"

...and I was telling him about how my friend's grandma pronounced WIFI like "wifee"

Then I did an impersonation of her

"oh Laurence, could ya come over and fix my wifee? My wifee isn't working."

To which he responded "lady, I don't think your wifee has been workin' for a while now."

Heh.

I had to put my foot down

So I had to put my foot down

I had to put my foot down

So I had to put my foot down

After enough of it I had to put my foot down

I had to put my foot down.

I had to put my foot down.

I had to put my foot down.

... I put my foot down.

I had to put my foot down.

I had to put my foot down.