Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself

Where the heck is the ceiling?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shortsleevedwarrior
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
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What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?

Egg rolls

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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What kind of eggs does an evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Aderhold22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?

So he could Rest in Peas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OilPhilter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2020
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As I lay in bed, looking up at the many thousands of stars in the night sky, I think to myself...

WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY ROOF?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/itim__office
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2019
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The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
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And all the vegetables gathered around the meal that lay before them and decided to say grace..

Lettuce pray

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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What does the Mexican carpet fitter say whenever he lays a new floor?

Underlay! Underlay!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EskimoJake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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At which turn did the dog lay down?

At the last one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Humble_Astronaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2020
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Why do chickens lay eggs?

Because if they dropped them, they'd break.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hrilmitzh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2019
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On the golf course I'm known as Frito Lay...

Because my chips are so good.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shercroft
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2020
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My Himalayan friend has a cow that won’t lay down

I’m always checking to see if it will Everest

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bellicose_buddha
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
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A polygon that lays eggs.

Hendecagon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2020
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An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.

Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.

His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.

"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."

"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.

"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."

"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."

"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LazyLeo1337
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2018
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My girlfriend needed a blood transfusion. Life or death ya know? But her parents and I could not remember her blood type. As she lay dying on her gurney, she kept insisting β€œbe positive, be positive,”

But sometimes, it’s really hard without her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2020
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TV Narrator* This is a mallard. A mallard is a dabbling duck that breeds throughout the world. This one is in search of a mate. A female will lay 8 to 13 eggs.

Duckumentary

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Odd-looking
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2020
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Heard of the chicken that couldn't lay anymore eggs?

It was having an eggsistential crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IAmBlizzy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2020
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What is green and lays in the forrest

Kermit the log

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vvdb_industries
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2020
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An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed

Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2019
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What do you call it when a chicken is too old to lay eggs?

Henopause

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2019
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Why did the dog lay in the sun all day?

He wanted to be a hot dog.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sparkei1ca
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, β€œOi mate, you cant leave that lying there!”

The man says, β€œIt’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 175
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomsonc014
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2018
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What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on top of a hill?

Eggrolls

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Radish00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2019
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What do millennials call lay-offs?

Employeets.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pjnick300
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2019
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All these words I don't just lay...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Booglain2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2019
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What do you call a man with no arms no legs and lays in front of his door

Matt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThisUsernameIsKool
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2019
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Why did the hen lay around in the barn all day?

She was EGGShausted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Oceans-Stars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2019
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Dad joked the frito lay guy

Scene- Frito lay guy unloading truck at the local grocery store.

Dad- walks up to the frito guy, puts his hand on his shoulder and says to him, "they only call you when the chips are down"

Frito guy- laughs all the way back to the truck

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thegoodwookie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2015
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when i relize lays doesnt fill their bags all the way

I start to think they're Lays-y

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FireDragons52
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2019
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What does a chicken need to lay a egg everyday?

Hendurance.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hacxgames
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2019
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In an effort to try to bring their snacks up to speed in terms of technology, Lay's is shrinking the size of their product by more than 50%.

They're calling them microchips.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2019
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What do wicked chickens lay?

Deviled eggs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ravenwarrior131
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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My shaggy dog likes to lay down on the floor during long car trips.

He’s a great carpet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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What happened to the Frito-Lay employee whose coworker got unfairly promoted?

He ended up getting a chip on his shoulder

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2019
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I tried to tell my wife how to lay sod, but she wasn’t interested...

We still have a lot of ground to cover

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cpm10682
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2019
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Whats Irish and lays around in the sun all day?

Pati O’ Furniture

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MarlinsBB
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2018
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In old days it was considered very lucky to have a hen lay her eggs near the inside of the entrance of your house

As soon as a person walks in and sees this, they would know to expect good luck and fortune from the owner of the house and the whole family, but only if all of the chicks hatch and are all healthy. Every time you left a house, it was considered good luck to look at the hen, and wish it well to have all of its chicks born happy, healthy, and for the hen to live a long life. This is why they call it an egg-sit!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jonmeservy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What lays at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pluripotense
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when small fish get too old to lay eggs?

They go through minnow-pause.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 144
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2017
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What do you call a guy who lays around on the porch all day?

Matt...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Amd20555
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2017
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I think I need to lay off the cake.

Otherwise my daughter's birthday will be a bit ruined.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2018
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Lay's Mis
πŸ‘οΈŽ 181
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nandiila
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2014
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Today was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/N1NJACQUES
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2017
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My boss kept nagging me so I told him, β€œLay off!”

My wife was not happy when I got home and told her I needed to start job hunting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/puppyball
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do chickens lay eggs?

Because if they dropped them, they’d break.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2019
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What do evil chickens lay?

Deviled Eggs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yolo_swag-brah22
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2017
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