Flip Flop Puns

....it's like a high five for your foot.

it was quite the sandal.

Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.

They lactose.

Edit test.

Free-toes

And they went pilf spolf.

Went to replace it and was told they are only sold in pairs ... I've bought hundreds of those damn fruits and have yet to get my other flip flop.

because they lactose

(they lack toes. because they have hooves) (get it??)

Guess I'll just have to flip hop when I get home.

It was a summery execution.

"Do you sell flip flips?"

It was a flop.

There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on? He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops

It wears flip FLOPS!

Flip flops.

“Something!”, I yelled at her. Warning: use at your own risk. I was smacked with a flip flop.

Phillipe Phillope

I just keep flip-flopping!

Flip flops

she loves flip flop season

Did the ninja wear, sneakers. Did the hippie wear, high heels. Did the gymnast wear, flip flops. Did the pornstar wear, pumps. Did the server wear, waders. Did the Yogi wear, none he has bear feet, Boo Boo.

I have a healer and I'm grinding for gear right now. Me: "I'm thinking about grinding for the flip flops." Boyfriend: "There are flip flops?" Me: "Yea dude." Boyfriend: "If you get the flip flops they'll show off your heals."

My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.

"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."

At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"

He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"

I have about 6 pairs of shoes in total (including dress shoes and flip flops).

My fiancee absolutely hates my old flip flops and old adidas samba, and conversely I love those two in particular. She has, on more than one occasion, threatened to junk them, to which I replied that she would become single.

Yesterday, our golden retriever puppy found and made short work of my flops and one adidas. My fiancee watched as I sadly marched the two pairs to the bin, but she didn't know the amount of dad she was about to face.

I dropped them in the bin, looked up at her, and said "well, they had a good run."

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to be his friend and we got very close.

His sister, Ling, was always uptight about school and she made sure to study, she got stressed about a B, etc. One day I was hanging out with Ving, and we started talking about names. He went off on this huge rant about how he hated his, and how he wanted to change it to something more Asian-American, like Lee. I told him that the Courthouse downtown had a form that you could fill to legally change it. He told me: "I always give you answers. If you could just drive me down to the courthouse this one time, I will never forget you. I just hate this god-forsaken Chinese name and I want to get rid of it forever."

He seemed pretty adamant about it, so I decided the best decision would be to take him. We walked out to my car, and right as I put the keys in the ignition Ling came running and tapped on the car door like a madman. I rolled it down and she started freaking out about how Ving's name had been passed down through generations and generations, but Ving didn't care. He just wanted to go down to the Courthouse and get it over with.

Ling figured that coming with would be the best idea, so if anything else came up that she would be needed for, she would be there for Ving. Honestly, I felt stuck in the middle of a family feud, so I just took her along. When we got to the Courthouse, Ving confidently walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could change his name. She gave him a little packet of paper and told him to sit down. Ling and I waited patiently while Ving filled out his info. I was watching him fill it out and I noticed he really did want to change his name to Lee.

Before he finished, though, he started tearing up. He told me he couldn't change his name. He asked the lady at the front that he couldn't do it, and she told him he would need twenty dollars to cancel the request. Ling was so relieved and happy that he changed his mind, she dug through her purse, found the money, and started to hand it to the receptionist.

It was at this moment that the most stereotypical Asian man burst through the doors. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a visor, American flag shorts, flip flops, everything. This

A little context. We have 2 dogs... it's warm... they shed... ALOT. My wife picked up her flip flops and they were covered in dog fur. She shook them off and a cloud of fur wafted through the kitchen.

Wife: Ya know what doesn't shed?

Me: What?

Wife: Fish. Fish don't shed. But they don't cuddle either.

Me: You could get a cuttlefish!

Her eyes rolled so far into the back of her head she was looking down

Wife: Okay that one should go on reddit.

My grandpa saw my cousin wearing a White Sox t-shirt (from his little league team) and flip-flops.

"White Sox? It doesn't look like you're wearing any socks!"

They lactose.