So, I went in to boots and asked for some benylin.

"For cough" She growled. "Alright love, I only asked." I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
Apple bottom jeans boots with the purr
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I don't feel sexy when she wears snakeskin boots.

It's a reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Cowboy Boots

A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."

"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
β€œHey Watson, is that mud on your boots?”

β€œNo, shit, Sherlock.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.

John left large shoes to Phil.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lameguy13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Why was there a dead calf in the boot of a Germans car?

It’s his spare veal

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.

The shop owner told me to take a hike.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Black shoes and boots are made out of

Carbon dyed ox hide.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I kicked my boot off a cliff today.

It was an assisted shoe-icide

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My father pointed at these boots at the store today and told me 'they're half off'. Thought this deserved to be here.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_boi37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.

That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djknutbanan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally wore my Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of mine.

Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they're doing a Das Boot..

...reboot?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellgoshgollygeez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Android crashes on boot when running from SD card
πŸ‘︎ 944
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJackHughman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!

Ugg!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Glove and Boots | What is Pun? - 5:12 youtube.com/watch?v=RNta_…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagnusRune
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Double parked my boot. It got toe-d
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Armyman365
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
From r/softwaregore Oh it's definitely a large boot.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UselessScrapu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his boots?

In little Nazis

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiptonite08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, there’s something in my boot!

Is it your foot?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mhca
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What's in your boot? Asked the cop suspiciously

I said, My foot, officer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
When watching Das Boot

Make sure to use subtitles

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stjernepus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
i asked a girl wearing fur boots and Apple Bottom jeans for water

needless to say, shawty got l'eau

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gowthamcity
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...

I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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what instrument does a boot use?

a shoehorn

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ENTER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I need new boots

Dad:I need new boots. Me:Why? DAD:one of them isn’t right. HAHAHA. Me:😣

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_McMuffins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL that NASA had to develop a new way to tie the laces on the boots of the space suit

It's called an Astro knot

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrednugent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
There were too many applicants for boot camp

Many of them had to be put on a wading list.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I was looking for the winter liners for my boots and I asked my dad if he saw them.

He replied, β€œWell I don’t know where yours are, I only have one...

...one liner.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChemEngGuy10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife broke her toe and has to wear a protective boot.

I picked it up and started caressing it with my hand making crooning noises.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Just feeling the wonderful curves of your booty.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
🚨︎ report
If someone takes your boot and doesn't give it back, it's not a souvenir.

It's a boutonniere. My mom's boyfriend graced me with this one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danfordnikk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought some gator-skin boots on clearance because of a manufacturer's defect.

They have a reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutPorterAle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
🚨︎ report
In Canada Cinderella has a crystal boot

I guess you can say it's a boot a boot

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joaquin-_-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I couldn't find my boots this morning.

Me- "Are you wearing my boots?"

Dad- "Yeah, sorry. I couldn't find mine this morning."

Me- "It's alright, please don't break them."

Dad- "I'm walking all over them."

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iCespedes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Boots

Dad-joked a co-worker today at the airport. note, boots is a shop.

co-worker: why is there 2 boots right next to each other?

me: one for each foot

co-worker: groan

edit: a word & formatting

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaseyJay
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Cosmo boots in the car ride

This is my first Dad Joke I have ever done! We were driving home after a trip to Costco and my Mother points out a Cosmo Booth (Glamour shot Photo booth) outside. Mom: Look at that Cosmo Booth! Do you want a picture taken Brother? Brother: What's a Cosmo Boot? Me: Its like Moon Boots only bigger. Only me and my Mother laughed. Everyone else didn't get the joke!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexanator28
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
How did these boots get up here?

They walked.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Wife had to suffer through this one today. Boots are still upstairs by my desk. :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polarc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
🚨︎ report

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