I caught my dog chewing on my boots.
I guess he has really good taste in footwear.
π︎ 180
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Im quivering in my boots
π︎ 131
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
A friend decided to gift me the boots Iβve been drooling over
They werenβt the color I wanted, but beggars canβt be shoes-y.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
βHey Watson, is that mud on your boots?β
βNo, shit, Sherlock.β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Aug 08 2019
Where do you send your boots when they've been misbehaving?
Boot camp
Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
Apple bottom jeans boots with the purr
π︎ 71
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Cowboy Boots
A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."
"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
So, I went in to boots and asked for some benylin.
"For cough" She growled.
"Alright love, I only asked." I replied.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Why was there a dead calf in the boot of a Germans car?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
I don't feel sexy when she wears snakeskin boots.
It's a reptile dysfunction.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 23 2020
Android crashes on boot when running from SD card
π︎ 946
π
︎ Mar 21 2017
I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.
The shop owner told me to take a hike.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
I kicked my boot off a cliff today.
It was an assisted shoe-icide
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 27 2019
Black shoes and boots are made out of
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training
The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
My father pointed at these boots at the store today and told me 'they're half off'. Thought this deserved to be here.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Mar 31 2019
Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 08 2019
Double parked my boot. It got toe-d
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 17 2018
When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.
That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 08 2019
From r/softwaregore Oh it's definitely a large boot.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 22 2018
I accidentally wore my Spanish friendβs rain boots instead of mine.
Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 28 2019
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 20 2019
i asked a girl wearing fur boots and Apple Bottom jeans for water
needless to say, shawty got l'eau
π︎ 103
π
︎ Sep 02 2016
What's in your boot? Asked the cop suspiciously
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 26 2018
Dad, thereβs something in my boot!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2018
How did Hitler tie his boots?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 12 2019
what instrument does a boot use?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 22 2016
My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...
I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Oct 05 2017
When watching Das Boot
Make sure to use subtitles
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 31 2018
I need new boots
Dad:I need new boots. Me:Why? DAD:one of them isnβt right. HAHAHA. Me:π£
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 26 2018
There were too many applicants for boot camp
Many of them had to be put on a wading list.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 26 2016
TIL that NASA had to develop a new way to tie the laces on the boots of the space suit
It's called an Astro knot
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 10 2017
Wife broke her toe and has to wear a protective boot.
I picked it up and started caressing it with my hand making crooning noises.
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Just feeling the wonderful curves of your booty.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Apr 01 2015
If someone takes your boot and doesn't give it back, it's not a souvenir.
It's a boutonniere.
My mom's boyfriend graced me with this one.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 30 2017
I bought some gator-skin boots on clearance because of a manufacturer's defect.
They have a reptile dysfunction.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 29 2017
In Canada Cinderella has a crystal boot
I guess you can say it's a boot a boot
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 25 2015
I couldn't find my boots this morning.
Me- "Are you wearing my boots?"
Dad- "Yeah, sorry. I couldn't find mine this morning."
Me- "It's alright, please don't break them."
Dad- "I'm walking all over them."
π︎ 71
π
︎ Sep 25 2014
Boots
Dad-joked a co-worker today at the airport. note, boots is a shop.
co-worker: why is there 2 boots right next to each other?
me: one for each foot
co-worker: groan
edit: a word & formatting
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 13 2015
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