I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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There were too many applicants for boot camp

Many of them had to be put on a wading list.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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What do you get if you cross a shoe with a tent?

Boot camp!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Where do you send your boots when they've been misbehaving?

Boot camp

Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PantsHelpMe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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When my British friend goes out in the wilderness, he sleeps in his car trunk...

He calls it boot camp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Didn't realize it was a Dad Joke until too late...

A little context: I'm driving around in Yellowstone with my dad and my girlfriend. My dad went on a three week cross country ski winter camping trip when he was 17 in Yellowstone. We are currently talking about whether or not it is important to carry bear spray.

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about that time I woke up a bear on my ski trip?"

Me: "What?! No, that's crazy, what happened?"

Dad: "Well, we were skiing through an open field when we hear a rumbling from about 100 yards behind us, and we turn back and there's a huge bear, and he looks at us and starts lumbering in our direction. At the time, I was with this girl who was not a very good skier, but we were pretty sure black bears can't climb trees, so we start hustling towards the woods. So I'm pulling her along and this bear is gaining on us but we get to the closest climbable tree and the bear is still 50 yards back. Like I said, she wasn't a very good skier, or really very coordinated in general, so I help boost her up into the tree and she's up there and she's pretty safe, but this took a minute and a lot of my energy. So now the bear is only about 15 feet away, and I've still got my skis on, and, you know, back then we didn't have fancy cross country skis, we had these big metal cable bindings and leather lace up boots, so I definitely don't have time to get them off. And I'm so exhausted from dragging this girl across the field and then shoving her up into the tree that I've got almost nothing left, and the first branch is about 8 feet off the ground. But this bear is coming at me and there's nothing I can do but jump for it, so I leap and pull myself up and over the branch using everything I've got right as the bear lunges for me and bites into my ski boot. So here I am, doubled over this branch with a bear's jaws on my foot, my skis on, and not one ounce of energy left, and he's really sinking his teeth in and he's really just pulling my leg just like I'm pulling yours!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipore22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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First time dad-joked a friend of mine.

So, last weekend I was on a two days village fair in our neighbourhood with the guys. On saturday, one of them complained about his feet still aching from wearing his new engineer boots the whole friday night AND how he even broke his boot jack at home while taking them off. Took the advantage and said: "Well, you seem to have some trouble with those shoes. Maybe we should send you to a boot camp." Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ummagumma26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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Dad Joke at Spartan Race

My brother and I were at a Spartan race this morning. After the race, we went to the festival area to check out the booths. One of them was a boot camp advertising with a 60 second challenge to win bragging rights. We weren't interested so we kept walking, but they hollered at us.

Girl 1: C'mon, it's only 60 seconds!

Girl 2: What's 60 seconds anyway?

Me: It's one minute!

They left us alone after that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksweetz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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I heard this gem at Arches National Park.

A boy is resting on the trail back to camp as his dad waits for him and as I am walking by this happens...

Dad: "So when we get back to camp remind me to spray bug spray around your boots."

Son: "Why?"

Dad: "So that the ants wont climb up your pants and bite your candy ass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/munkadelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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