Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.

It was the pizza de resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaelTadh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?

You matter.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPanda666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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What do you call an occupied time machine?

A manned delorian

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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If the Russians want to occupy all the neighbouring countries..


πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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If a Nazi walks into a bathroom, is it occupied?
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/Norskey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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You have mass and occupy space. You know what that means?
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmazingandAwkward
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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I live in an apartment where the floor above mine is occupied by Dwayne Johnson

I've been living under a rock

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/andoopam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Really getting tired of all these random 3.14 jokes

Occupiing this sub

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/VexuBenny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...

but everyone was occupied

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/Persons1001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I am going through a lot....

But most of the parking spots are occupied.... So it's gonna take a while.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmolloSmoller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Request for cards with dad jokes

My dad is in a care center with Parkinson’s with dementia. He will be 75 on 3/28. He can’t have his party with the virus around and always needs something to occupy him so I thought birthday cards of dad jokes would keep him busy and make him happy. He was always a master of them. Thank you πŸ™

Ray Heng Terrace Glen room 184 3400 Alburnett Rd Marion IA 52302

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/droppergrl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a β€œW.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for β€œwater closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the β€œW.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a β€œW.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled β€œWayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C. is situated only two miles from the room you have rented, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. has aΒ maximum occupancy of 229 people, but not that many people usually go on weekdays. I suggest youΒ plan to go on Thursday evenings when there is a sing-along. The acoustics are remarkable and the happy sounds of so many people echo throughout the W.C.

Sunday mornings are extremely crowded. The locals tend to arrive early and many bring their lunches to make a day of it. Those who arrive just in time can usually be squeezed into the W.C. before things start, but not always. Best to go early if you can!

It may interest you to know that my own daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I remember how everyone crowded in to sit close to the bride and groom. There were two people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one, but our friends and family were happy to share. Β I will admit that my wife and I felt particularly relieved when it was over. We were truly wiped out.

Because of my responsibilities in town, I can’t go as often as I used to. In fact, I haven’t been in well over a year. I can tell you I really miss regularly going to the W.C. Let’s plan on going together for your first visit. I can reserve us seats where you will be seen by all.


Pastor Kurt Meier

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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An ant joke

🐜An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said the owner.

The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant 🐜and requested the owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"

"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.

After some days the ant brought a 3rd 🐜ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them.

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This went on as the 🐜ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.

One fine day, the ant brought in the 10th ant 🐜and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them all.

The owner said, "OK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rent."

Now the question is:

Why did the owner ask for rent when the 10th ant came in? .



. πŸ€” .

. πŸ€” .

πŸ€” . .



. .

πŸ€” .

. . πŸ€” . . .

. . .πŸ€”

Because they were now tenants! 🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/propiggymaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Boyfriends dad last night...

We were leaving his parents' house, but I was pausing in the doorway to watch the last 30 seconds of a scene that was on TV.

Bf - Well, are you coming?

Me - Yeah, just a sec, this scene is intense.


We exit.

πŸ‘︎ 268
πŸ‘€︎ u/catherinehavok
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2013
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Plant Obsessed

I heard about a man who was obsessed with houseplants. His wife got to the point that she couldn't deal with them all over the house so she had him move all of his plants to the entryway. Now that the plants were consolidated it was much easier to move about the house, but he kept adding plants to their entryway until it was impossible to leave the house.

His wife finally had enough and tried to clear them out herself but they were all intertwined and she was unable to hack through the forest that now occupied their entryway. Desperate, she called a family friend, a forester with the National Park Service, who came and cleared out the veritable jungle while the man who had raised the plants looked on in dismay.

Just before leaving, the forester turned to the man and spoke sternly: "Only you can prevent forest foyers."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oeklampadius1532
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ‘€︎ u/avelertimetr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.

I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Primatebuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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I went out to dinner with a friend and his father

We walked in and the restroom was occupied, so we took our seats, and ordered. Eventually, I said

"I'm going to see if the bathroom is free."

To which his dad replied,

"It better be. I've never had to pay for a restroom before."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxNerdAtHeartxX
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
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My friend went to prison.

For an excursion, just to be clear.

As my friend walked past the cells, he noticed that there were pictures on the doors showing which inmates occupied the cells.

"Look", he said. "Selfies."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/StMartinus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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So my brother got a new bed and had to assemble it...

It was a double bed so it took up quite a part of the room.

Brother: There isn't much left of the room. (bed occupied a lot of space)

Dad: It's clearly turning into a BEDroom!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogDie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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Coach Dad

My dad coached my AYSO soccer team (associated youth soccer organization or something). The games were on saturdays. every year when he was talking to the parents

Dad: "You guys have signed your kids up for AYSO soccer. Which stands for All Your Saturdays Occupied * significant amount of air passes through his nose multiple times*

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/yungun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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It's to late at night for this shit.

Mom says goodnight and dad occupies the bathroom before she can get up the stairs. "Don't be long!" She says.

"Who are you to tell me I don't belong?!" He says through the door.

We now call that a moment of "urinspiration."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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You’re living, you occupy space and you have mass you know what that means... (stolen from tumblr)

You matter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/DenverCav0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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You living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?

You matter.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/AF-firm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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