I caught my dog chewing on my boots.
I guess he has really good taste in footwear.
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over
They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.
I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.
“Hey Watson, is that mud on your boots?”
Where do you send your boots when they've been misbehaving?
Boot camp
Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."
Apple bottom jeans boots with the purr
During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.
Cowboy Boots
A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."
"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
So, I went in to boots and asked for some benylin.
"For cough" She growled.
"Alright love, I only asked." I replied.
Why was there a dead calf in the boot of a Germans car?
I don't feel sexy when she wears snakeskin boots.
It's a reptile dysfunction.
Android crashes on boot when running from SD card
I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.
The shop owner told me to take a hike.
I kicked my boot off a cliff today.
It was an assisted shoe-icide
Black shoes and boots are made out of
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training
The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.
My father pointed at these boots at the store today and told me 'they're half off'. Thought this deserved to be here.
Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"
Double parked my boot. It got toe-d
When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.
That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.
From r/softwaregore Oh it's definitely a large boot.
I accidentally wore my Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of mine.
Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!
i asked a girl wearing fur boots and Apple Bottom jeans for water
needless to say, shawty got l'eau
What's in your boot? Asked the cop suspiciously
Dad, there’s something in my boot!
How did Hitler tie his boots?
what instrument does a boot use?
My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...
I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.
When watching Das Boot
Make sure to use subtitles
I need new boots
Dad:I need new boots. Me:Why? DAD:one of them isn’t right. HAHAHA. Me:😣
There were too many applicants for boot camp
Many of them had to be put on a wading list.
TIL that NASA had to develop a new way to tie the laces on the boots of the space suit
It's called an Astro knot
Wife broke her toe and has to wear a protective boot.
I picked it up and started caressing it with my hand making crooning noises.
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Just feeling the wonderful curves of your booty.
If someone takes your boot and doesn't give it back, it's not a souvenir.
It's a boutonniere.
My mom's boyfriend graced me with this one.
I bought some gator-skin boots on clearance because of a manufacturer's defect.
They have a reptile dysfunction.
In Canada Cinderella has a crystal boot
I guess you can say it's a boot a boot
I couldn't find my boots this morning.
Me- "Are you wearing my boots?"
Dad- "Yeah, sorry. I couldn't find mine this morning."
Me- "It's alright, please don't break them."
Dad- "I'm walking all over them."
Boots
Dad-joked a co-worker today at the airport. note, boots is a shop.
co-worker: why is there 2 boots right next to each other?
me: one for each foot
co-worker: groan
edit: a word & formatting
Why do beat-boxers love Puss in Boots?
Okay I got the idea for this from a thread a while back.
Setup: [title of the post]
"...why?"
Answer: Because [whisper] boots'n'cats'n'boots'n'cats'n'boots'n'cats
How did these boots get up here?
They walked.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Wife had to suffer through this one today. Boots are still upstairs by my desk. :)
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