Booting Puns

I guess he has really good taste in footwear.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

Boot camp

Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."

“No, shit, Sherlock.”

You open windows.

My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

“You herd me!"

A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."

"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

John left large shoes to Phil.

A shoe.

"For cough" She growled. "Alright love, I only asked." I replied.

It’s his spare veal

It's a reptile dysfunction.

They know what it's all a-boot. Eh.

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

The shop owner told me to take a hike.

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

Carbon dyed ox hide.

...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, “Well, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, “Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.

It was an assisted shoe-icide

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

Boot camp!

That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

They gave me the boot.

Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.

Ugg!

needless to say, shawty got l'eau

I said, My foot, officer