I was setting up posts to put caution tape around...

And this old man asked if I was protesting. I explained that we were setting up wooden posts to keep people from parking too close to the building.

He said β€œlooks to me like you’re making a stand....get it?”

Eye roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PassivePlayboy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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When whisking something, do it with caution.

It’s whisky business

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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The guy who created the sign CAUTION HOT SURFACE in braille...

was an evil genius.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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The guy who created the sign "Caution Do Not Touch" in braille,

is an evil genius.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I wanted to share this picture of me throwing caution the wind (β€˜:
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attactions
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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CAUTION: THIS POST IS A BLUE BEE TRAP!
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WoodyGoodman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Whenever someone asks me what my sign is, I say β€œcaution: wet floor”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentPlastic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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Caution to the wind v.redd.it/gaipw82mo1wz
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R4CH3L_E
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Caution: escaped child psychic in the area

There’s a small medium at-large.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/codepoet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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Caution you're in danger! ipfs.pics/QmacdBbdRsaAXbP…
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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Proceed with caution: joking about wife's butt.

Wife: (commenting on the state of her posterior, obviously a delicate topic) "It wouldn't be attractive if I had a 100% muscular butt: it's a good thing I make a little layer of fat to smooth it out and make me look feminine."

Me: "Well, you never do anything half-assed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vesvvi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timbillyosu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My son did not watch were he was going and slammed faced down on hard surface

It was his own asphalt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Did you hear about the near sighted construction worker who lost his glasses?

He really fell into his work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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A correct sign
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Saw rhis jewel. Had a good laugh.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shiro_Miyano
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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How do you tell a priest to stay safe?

Tell him to exorcise caution

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Watermelencholy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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How can you tell the gender of a baby?

If he cries it's a boy. ...if she cries, it's a girl.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PixelPurple
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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Sign on the back of a Septic Tank truck:

"Caution – This truck is full of Political Promises"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;

Humpty Dumpty wasn't very humpty, dumpt he?

<Note: delivered correctly, this joke will throw some children into fits of rage. Use with caution.>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stage_directions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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What kind of sign do seals put out when the floor is wet

CAUTION FLOOR FLIPPERY WHEN WET.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZvKGaming45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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I was going to make a joke about oxygen...

But I aired on the side of caution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adidas705
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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5 ways to power an appliance

Caution: #3 will shock you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CliffordTheDragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Dad joked by lady at the airport

We were crossing the street and the crosswalk speakers goes "please cross with caution" and I hear from her "hey... Are you caution?.... Because I'm supposed to cross with you".

She didn't get much reaction from the guy she said it to so I had to turn around and just gave her a "niceee"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EndersBuggers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
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During our trip to the Honey store... this happened

While I was out with my wife/kids, we decided to go into a local Honey store.

I always tell my boys to use caution in these stores because I am so afraid they'll break something. When I went to tell them ... I could feel it happening as I said it, as if I were saying it in slow motion:

"Okay boys, when we get in here... BEEEEEEEE careful!" Nobody laughed, and that's how I knew I had just committed a Dad joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2016
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So my girlfriend must be half dad

Walking around San Francisco today, we see some yellow caution tape blowing around and she says "Well, someone threw caution to the wind..... "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heysemg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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Driving through a thunderstorm and...

girlfriend sees turtle stopped in the road and cautions me not to hit him. I response with "he probably got shell shocked."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tx_Deception_Tx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Like a demonic possession, this joke took a hold of me this morning and would not let go. I'm sorry.

The CIA had changed its recruiting practices, what with all the recent leaks and other problems. So Mr. Johnson was more than a little surprised to see a pine tree, which was dressed in a rather nice suit, waiting outside his office when he arrived at 9 am. He asked his secretary, "Gladys, who is this?"

"Mr. Johnson, this is Mr. Cone, our newest hire. He wanted to talk with you about the Honduras assignment."

Mr. Johnson spoke to Mr. Cone in his office. His new pine tree colleague was very knowledgeable and well-spoken, but there was something about him that threw Mr. Johnson off. He tried to dismiss his concerns as imaginary, but it gnawed at him all through the morning. He barely touched his lunch, as some of the things Mr. Cone had said were still swirling around and around in his mind. He was sure something was wrong, so he went in to see the head of their office branch, Mr. Smith.

"Johnson! Come right in, come right in," said Mr. Smith, puffing on a cigar. Mr. Johnson poured himself a tumbler of whiskey and sipped at it nervously.

"You're being rather quiet today, Johnson. Tell me, what's troubling you?"

"It's just this new guy, Mr. Cone," Mr. Johnson said carefully, staring at the bottom of his whiskey glass. "Are we sure we know him as well as we think we do?"

Mr. Smith took only a small puff from his cigar before letting his hand rest back on his desk. "Now really, Johnson," he sighed, "you're a good agent. Your caution has served you well in the past, but paranoia doesn't look so good on you. Mr. Cone has the most impressive resumΓ© I've seen come across my desk in the last fifteen years. I've personally had him vetted by the best men in the business. He's going to be an asset to this office."

That was the response Mr. Johnson had been afraid of getting, but he continued to press his cause. "I understand that, sir. It's just that I'm getting the strangest feeling from this Cone fellow. Don't you think he's a little too perfect? A little too well-qualified?"

Mr. Smith stopped smoking his cigar altogether. A distant look came into his eyes as he mulled over the possibilities. "You don't suppose--"

"Yes," said Mr. Johnson, "I think he's a plant."

Note: I'm a mom, not a dad, but I'm pretty sure I only thought of this because my father-in-law tortures me with these kinds of stories almost constantly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Larny-Arny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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Chief falling rock

I grew up in colorado and once we drove by a caution sign that read "falling rock" and my dad told us that chief falling rock was an native american chief and would attack cars with a club. The signs were there to mark the places he had attacked. Believed it for years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skankinskier
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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Recently got my co-worker

So walking through the kitchen area there was a bunch of yellow caution tape over the sink. Which brought this awesome interchange about.

Co-Worker: I guess that sink must be broken.

Me: Nah... they just want us to be really cautious while using it.

Co-Worker glances out of the corner of his eye in a sort of blank stare / glare look. Success was mine that day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quiott
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
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I do what I'm told

Driving slowly to the parking lot at the beach, I leaned over and called to some people walking along, "Watch out!"

My daughter asked me why I'd done that.

I replied, "Well, the sign back there said 'Caution Pedestrians'!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quackenstein
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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When my grandma was on hospice

To properly organize it, my family had to start discussing what day my grandma's funeral would be before she actually died. My dad cautioned our speculation with "don't put the cart before the hearse."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyannit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
🚨︎ report
When whisking something, do it with caution.

It’s whisky business

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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