I’ve just received a phone call saying I’ve won £250 or 2 tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show, then it said just press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.
Has anyone else had this?!
So I'm going to nursery school.
Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.
Chicken tenders
I told them to sieve it for someone who cares.
They're a pane to replace
Love means nothing to them.
Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now.
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
I'm never missed
Because they come with there own scales
Where did escargot 🐌
I don’t know and I don’t care.
I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.
When I got home, they were still there.
Because some trees are nuts.
....said the farmer, callously.
Who cares it’s pointless.
It would be a nightmare.
But I don’t care.
They could be dead Lee.
....until they start whispering.
A selfish.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
“Yemen”
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
It's written in the key of B flat.
...you could get be charged with 'assault with a dad-ly weapon'.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
He knows milkshakes bring The Boys to the yard.
Hopefully you're familiar with the comic/show
A chicken tender.
I don’t know Y (possible repost, but I don’t care)
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
I guess they just find them irrelephant.
