Why are snakes measured in inches?
Because they don't have any feet
Why is milk measured in quarts instead of in feet?
Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?
The frequency of rejection is measured in Hurtz
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…
Must be some kind of milestone…
Why are puns the only joke medium that are measured in how good they are by how volitole the reaction is?
How is milk in boobs measured?
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?
Because they used Imperial units.
A boy finally reached the front of the line at a water park, but when I measured him he was just short of the mark...
I shrugged, "Eh, I'll let it slide."
Running speed should really be measured in...
The weight of Powerpoint presentations is measured in diagrams.
If weight of an object is measured in kilograms, weight of an image is measured in....
In what is the torque of Chinese women measured?
When my Dad measured his BMI
He peered at the results, curious but clearly not very concerned. 25.8. Just in the overweight region.
He looked at me and said with a wry smile: "damn, I gotta grow".
What would happen if America switched from using pounds to kilograms as a unit a measure?
My kids fought for a long time over a device to measure angles
It was a protracted battle
What’s a communist’s favorite thing to measure time with
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
What’s a monk’s favorite unit of measurement?
How do farmers measure land?
How do elves measure their height?
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
Driving the neighborhood, I told my son we would use the odometer to measure out our Turkey Trot 5k
> Son: It's gonna take a lot of yard sticks.
How do you measure Firefox's output?
What is the cannibal carpenter’s favorite measurement?
How do you measure a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
As a covid detection measure, the eyeglass place took my temperature before I could see the eye doctor.
Does anyone know how I can get it back?
How did the ghost measure all its Halloween activities?
My tape measure fell asleep
I found it very inch-resting
How do you measure the speed of joy?...
Pope decides on new measures to keep Cardinals on their toes.
He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.
How do you think they measure the weight of bones?
They probably Skel-a-Ton at a time!
My wife asked me why I insist on measuring our bookshelf when I get home from a night of drinking.
How else am I going to keep my stories straight.
What unit of measurement do you use to weigh your linens?
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Why was the king only 12 inches tall?
.. because he was a ruler
I got thrown out of the park for measuring the squirrels
I guess they didn't want me critter sizing.
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
Why should you always measure a snake in inches?
Because they have no feet!
(Courtesy of Snake Discovery on YouTube)
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…
Must be some kind of milestone…
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length
Must be some kind of milestone
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.
Must be some kind of milestone.
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.
Must be some kind of milestone!
How do communist measure time?
How do you measure a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now...
How do you measure how heavy a chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Red hot chili pepper weight
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it away a now.
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