I haven’t dropped any food so far!
Liver let die
Does it cover poutine check ups?
He was coffin.
My dad is a health care professional and recently had a patient that has been “huffing Freon for the past 18 years.” His response?
“I wonder if he gets really bad brain freeze.”
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
He told them, "Sorry, Uncle Sam's health care isn't the best."
Those crows are finally getting the mental health care they so desperately needed
I work in an urgent care center. A patient signed in for a stuffy nose for 2 days. They asked how long the wait was and I said about 15 mins, the person rolled their eyes and walked out. I let the physician know that they walked out. She said "That's always good for their health" I said "Well they were my favorite kind of patient."