Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
A flossy raptor.
"...have plaque on your wall?"
So shoe me!
Is a shower shower.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
so they installed a padlock.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
...and says, "Hygiene".
My wife gave birth to our first son on Friday. This morning they came to get him for his circumscion and we were feeding him a bottle. The nurse said we were going to have to cut it short. I said ok, but not too short. And nobody laughed. They looked at me like an idiot. Hopefully the internet will appreciate this.
EDIT: Didn't expect this to garner so much attention, but I guess it deserves some elaboration. Yes, this actually happened and we had our son circumcised. Everything went well without any complications. I made this decision with my wife based on hygienic, traditional, and aesthetic reasons, and I am confident in my decision. I am circumcised, and I'm happy with it.
There are times in my son's life that i will need to make decisions for him, and this was one of those times. I understand that some people think I have committed a terrible crime against my son, but I disagree. There are many arguments for both sides, and I think these decisions should be made by family and doctors when the bridge comes to be crossed.
I'm not going to go through and answer all of the questions and insults individually, I have a newborn to take care off, but y'all feel free to hash it out.
Also, I still think my joke was pretty damn funny.
Is to say “Hygiene!”
Edit: (I'm sorry. Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.)
should work on their personal hygiene
I'm sure it would be more hygienic to cook it on the stove.
John the Baptist of Biblical fame used to walk through the desert in his bare feet. This left his feet tough, which is understandable- the hot sand and rough terrain would leave anyone's feet tough. He was known to receive signs from God and occasionally perform mystical feats. He subsisted on a diet of locusts and honey. Without access to dental hygiene at the time, this left him with somewhat bad breath. It also left him frail, as the diet wasn't varied and would have required an immense intake of food to be remotely sustained.
I guess that you could say that he was a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Crown Him With Many Crowns
(credit to my dad for his amazing sense of humor and terrible dental hygiene)