Allergies Puns

A list of puns related to "Allergies"

Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.

My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”

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👤︎ u/bpcombs
📅︎ Jan 17 2021
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In an alternate universe, George Michael had an allergy to chocolate

He was killed by a careless Wispa

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👤︎ u/Saltedpretzel64
📅︎ Dec 12 2020
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What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?

Fouchy!

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👤︎ u/MyLifeHurtsRightNow
📅︎ Nov 25 2020
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Do you wanna know why people with shell fish allergies can’t be body builders?

Because they can’t have mussels.

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👤︎ u/StareInUrEyeandPee
📅︎ May 22 2020
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My favorite summertime allergy song is Blowin' in the Wind...

by Peter Pollen Mary.

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👤︎ u/andersonfmly
📅︎ Jul 28 2020
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What does Buzz Lightyear take for allergies?

Zurgtec

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👤︎ u/snuggeybug
📅︎ Jul 23 2020
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I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley

My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains

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👤︎ u/Zuke_k9
📅︎ Apr 07 2020
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Our cat came home from the vet allergy safe.

Yep, he’s nut free.

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👤︎ u/splinter1983
📅︎ Mar 15 2020
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What did Julius Ceasar say when he experienced a stabbing pain due to his allergies?

Achoo, Brute!

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👤︎ u/this_time_i_mean_it
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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A person who studies how nut allergies effect the human body

Are they known as a Nutty Professor?

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👤︎ u/Deadly_R
📅︎ Nov 29 2019
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It's allergy season...

But I'm safe cos I have allerH's.

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👤︎ u/LEAV12
📅︎ Oct 26 2019
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What kind of tool fixes allergies?

A Benadryl

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👤︎ u/lordofthstrings
📅︎ Jul 04 2019
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*Daughter’s friend, over for dinner* Me: do you have any allergies? Her: no. Me: are you allergic to dad jokes? Her: yes.....

Me: that’s good, at least I’ll get a reaction.

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👤︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
📅︎ Sep 01 2019
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What do call someone with an allergy to burnt bread....?

........blacktoast intolerant,.

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👤︎ u/ultra-saurus
📅︎ Sep 08 2017
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A friend suggested trying a local honey for my allergies. So I did that.

Now my wife wants a divorce.

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👤︎ u/vogon_lyricist
📅︎ Sep 22 2018
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What does a snake take for their allergies?

Anti hisssss tomines

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👤︎ u/someone425
📅︎ Jun 13 2019
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What does a nut allergy sound like?

CASH-EWW!

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👤︎ u/chuckyocouch_
📅︎ May 22 2019
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What is the cure for a gluten allergy?

The anti-dough

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👤︎ u/PoppiesRule
📅︎ May 13 2019
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Even if you are aware, ask your lactose intolerant friends if they have other allergies.

It's good to make sure about anything more than their special dairytery needs.

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👤︎ u/Flieven
📅︎ Nov 29 2018
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MFW I try to inhale through my nose during allergy season, but it's just sealed the fuck up.
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👤︎ u/iBleeedorange
📅︎ Dec 14 2015
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What do you call someone that starts getting allergies later in life?

A late bloomer.

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👤︎ u/the_bradley
📅︎ Apr 13 2019
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Allergies to certain websites

Found out website cookies aren’t gluten-free

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👤︎ u/joconyc
📅︎ May 23 2018
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I have seasonal allergies. A few days ago I walked outside and sneezed and my dad said I wouldn't have allergy problems if flowers could just keep it in their plants
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👤︎ u/Mattsoup
📅︎ Oct 19 2016
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What allergy ridden English author wrote novels about a British spy?

Ian Phlegming

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
📅︎ Feb 25 2018
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I've got really bad allergies, and I hate it.

I'm always blowing through those boxes of Kleenex.

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👤︎ u/PsystrikeSmash
📅︎ Sep 10 2016
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Sadly, my secretary has developed a fairly serious wheat allergy...

[dictated but not bread]

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👤︎ u/bikari
📅︎ Nov 07 2015
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Family was talking about food allergies...

Mom: And maya had some...

Me: weird gluten free crackers?

Mom: is she gluten free?

Me: no, I think she's nuts.

Dad: it's not nice to call people nuts. Call them crazy!

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👤︎ u/Byerlyduck1
📅︎ Apr 03 2014
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