My best friend is allergic to certain herbs.
I'm afraid it's just a matter of thyme...
Harry Houdini was allergic to the metal they used to make handcuffs...
Every time they put a pair on him, he'd break out.
Found out I’m allergic to ceiling mounted dart boards...
They always make me throw up
What was the clown allergic to?
I knew a guy who hated deformed feet and allergic to dairy
He was lack toes intolerant.
What happens when an onion has an allergic reaction?
It breaks out in chives
:D
Lights out lying in bed. My wife just made this up: Which jokes are historians allergic to?
Found out I was allergic to alcohol
Every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs
My wife and I were in the hospital with my 2 year old daughter who had a allergic reaction to a tomato...
Her face went red and her cheeks swelled up making her look just like a tomato.
After the nurse and my wife finished talking about her reaction, I just couldn’t help but blurt our “well, you are what you eat”
My wife eye rolled, the nurse just looked at me with a deadpan face and said “well done” and walked off.
What do call a racist man without feet fingers that is allergic to milk.
I'm allergic to death.
It causes me to start coffin.
I am allergic to suicide
It's so bad, it could kill me
(Alright. Suicide is nothing to joke about and if you have suicidal thoughts, please try to get help. I did and I feel better than a few years ago. Just remeber that you are important and that I love you)
I regret quitting my job at the factory that made night wear for felines. I thought I was allergic to to some of the material we were working with.
But it turns out it wasn’t the cat’s pyjamas
Did you hear about the guy who is allergic to dad jokes?
i guess his father was just too punny.
I wish I could Impreza her with flowers but I’m allergic #carpuns
i think i’m allergic to this face wash... every time i use it, it KIEHL’S me.
*Daughter’s friend, over for dinner* Me: do you have any allergies? Her: no. Me: are you allergic to dad jokes? Her: yes.....
Me: that’s good, at least I’ll get a reaction.
Just found out I'm allergic to plantains today.
I'm okay but I went into bananaphylactic shock.
I just found out that I'm mildly allergic to this potato and I hate it.
“Son you can’t get married you’re allergic to Mellon’s”
Told my kids I'm allergic to prison...
My kids were discussing allergies at the dinner table. I told them I'm allergic to prison... because it always causes me to break out.
Usually my dad jokes are met with awkward silence. This one however got a few legit chuckles. 😁
What’s it called when your allergic to the Milky Way?
I'm allergic to sharks..
..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.
I found out I'm allergic to something on my birthday
It was the icing on the cake
Friend was deathly allergic to peanuts so Dad was asking if he was allergic to all type of nuts, hazelnuts, walnuts etc. He went silent...
After having an allergic reaction to poison ivy I decided not to get it treated...
man have I made a rash decision
What happened to the allergic baked potato?
It broke out in chives
(Original content, thank you very much)
My Son said to me the other day that he thinks he's allergic to horses
I said it mush be Neigh-fever
I'm allergic to green onions
Every time I eat them, I break out in chives.
My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood...
I told him he was full of it.
The doctor gave me advice about my allergic reaction...
He warned me not to do make any rash decisions
You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?
Are bees allergic to pollen?
I mean, it gives them hives.
I think I'm allergic to one specific type of nut
What does a tortilla chip say when it’s having an allergic reaction?
My wife and me both are allergic to beef.
I think it's just a cow-incidence.
What do you call a doctor who’s allergic to surgery?
I recently found out that im allergic to whiskey...
Every time I drink it I break out into tears and bad decisions.
Did you know that earth is allergic to bees?
When there's a bunch of bees around, the earth breaks out into hives.
I can only count to seven in French because I'm allergic to wheat.
Me to my nut allergic girlfriend.
Me - "We're going to the Peanuts movie eh?"
Her - "Yes that's what we planned right?"
Me - "Yeah, I just hope you don't have an allergic reaction"
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything? Dad: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You are allergic to burnt bread?
Dad: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
Do you know that I’m allergic to tequila?
Yeah, every time I drink it I break out in handcuffs ;)
Scientists are creating a world where monkeys are allergic to tobbaco
They're calling it the Planet of the Vapes
(Thanks to Hugh Dennis for this one)
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