How do you call a bumblebee from North America?

USB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gimel182
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
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Did you know Caesar had a ranch on the thousand islands in north America?

I don't know why he called it a ranch they only grew lettuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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What was North America called long before the Europeans arrived?

USB C

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gar_gar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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The difference between North America and Australia is night and day.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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Why did the caring farmer plant his crop in Africa, Europe, Asia, North America, South America, Australia and Antarctica?

He wanted to see world peas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freeyourballs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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If you’re considered a Punny guy in North America, does that make you a Punter in The UK?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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Food contamination warning!

Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prawncracker92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaim

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Why did the cranberry sauce cross the road?

To get to the other sides.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hurps0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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I had to blow up my the tyres on my car the other day...

I came home afterwards "Done it?" he said.

Me - "Yeah, bit of a piss take though, cost me 50p just for some air."

"Well, that's inflation for you."

Good one, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_manager
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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50% of Canada is A

and its number 1 at being just north of America

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman

I work in a medical lab. I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said β€œI think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”

I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, β€œbut it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hooligan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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Got a text saying "You're up?"

Replied "No, North America."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdfighter8842
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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Getting dress in the morning dad joke

I turn to my wife and state matter of factly,

Did you know that over 70% of the socks made in North America are made by the same company, under different brand names? However, despite their size and large market share, they treat their employees very well. Every year they give away a bunch of free socks to each one, and employees get to pick which brand of free socks they get.

You can always tell a good company if it gives its employees sock options.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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