The Earth employs its continents.

Australia got fired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
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What continent is everyone related to?

Antarctica

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendan_07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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Why do Americans think that continent codes don't apply to them?

It's N/A.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toforama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Did you hear that there are no vampires on the entire continent of Africa?

They can't survive since Toto blessed the rains there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaiju_Paul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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What would a continent say if it tought that rope is disgusting?

Europe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourmomstraight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Which continent is home to the world’s best climbers?

Eu-rope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Which continent is smaller than Europe?

Eustring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoSHEEE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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How do earth’s continents shift?

In slowm-ocean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pungunner98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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Can you conquer the continent of Asia?

No, but Genghis Khan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KomradeTuniska
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
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There are 7 continents

But with its low birth rate, soon Europe will be an incontinent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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The suicidal traveller tried to hang himself from the Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, The leaning tower of Pisa. The police caught him took away his rope and sent him out of the continent. All he was heard saying is..

I miss you rope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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A march in every continent

My girlfriend told me that there was a march going on in every continent (including Antarctica!) today to bring attention to Women's Rights. I told her that the same thing would happen in a little over a month. Every continent would have a March for the entire month!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phonyhomeless
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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"Africa" by Toto isn't a country song.

It's a continent song.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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Whoever named Antarctica was an idiot.

There's like no ants there. At all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/globalklaus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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How'd I get from Iraq to Pakistan?

Iran

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceColdKofi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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My American friend had her flu shot

I just use antibiotics, in Europe we don't need guns for everything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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I never go to the bathroom when i visit the midwest.

Must be in continent.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Why did the landlocked country need diapers?

Because it was in-continent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZoggekTheSavage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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What is the worst-smelling insect in the world?

De-odor-ant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Resident_Skroob
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean

It’s now classified as an in-continent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theedjman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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I walked downstairs this morning and my mom said "You're up!"

My dad then proceeded to say "Asia!" Of course we were confused so then he said "What? I thought we were naming continents."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePatata
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2015
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Dad is very welcoming of aunt's new boyfriend

So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.

> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llirving
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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Why can't incontinent people work at an intelligence agency?

Because they're leaking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobbyLee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
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How do you get new elements to grow?

How do you get new elements to grow?
You Sodium

What continent do elements come from?
They're Europium

What do you do with sick elements?
You Helium and Curium.

What do you do with elements after they die?
You Berium.

Credit: Random Dad on Facebook.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Path2Reborn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Dadjoked my father-in-law

Father-in-law gets out of the shower, says to my husband,"You're up!" I reply, "Asia!" :::crickets::: I add, "Oh, I thought we were just saying names of continents." The look of jealous contempt from my FIL was priceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asparagusbelle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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My cheese spoon is coming home!

My old roommate moved out and accidentally absconded with my cheese spoon. She is coming back to my home-state and wrote this on my facebook wall.

Friend: Guess who else is coming back to CO- your cheese spoon! It's been on two continents and eight states in the last 8 months. It's coming back with a broader world perspective, but it's still the same spoon.

My Response: Perfect! Because all the cheese I eat is also cultured!

I will update if I get any wonderful eye-rolling responses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bill_bull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
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Dadjoked a friend of mine

To give some context, I was describing my week ahead to a friend of mine, given that we both work in film.

Me: I'm shooting some convention tomorrow afternoon

Friend: What kind of convention?

Me: No idea, it's only in the afternoon on a Thursday

Me: I guess you could say it's unconventional.

We're in different continents right now and I'm pretty sure he could see my smirk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-Vice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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My great uncle just dadjoked me with this email.

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you

can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be

driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends,

family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much

on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit

there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to

stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin

flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

**I may ha

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dantheman757
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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Tried to dadjoke my dad

My dad was taking my girlfriend home and I was coming with, in the car we were talking about Little Britain and we were talking about the old lady that pees everywhere.

Me: You know they got in a lot of trouble because of those sketches.

Gf: Really?

Me: Yeah, from the Continence Society.

pause

Me: They could barely contain themselves...I'm so sorry, that was in bad taste.

Gf: You're going to Hell.

Dad: You're taking the piss.

I am genuinely sorry if my joke did offend anyone, I just wanted to share my dad's quick comeback because it had all of us laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paradeoxy1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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Is "Africa" by Toto a country song?

No, it's a continent song.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicholas_caged
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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