A list of puns related to "North America"
USB
I don't know why he called it a ranch they only grew lettuce.
USB C
He wanted to see world peas.
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didnβt bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didnβt know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said βI think heβs going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, Iβm taking him straight to Wal-Mart.β
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, βbut itβs just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!β
Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but Iβm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, βConstipationβ? Well it doesnβt matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said βNo, doc, itβs dis knee.β
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donβt cause reactions, after all.
Whatβs the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why canβt you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donβt wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I canβt stop reading books with female protagonists! Iβm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight⦠21.
My friend told me, βPeople who sell meat are disgusting!β So I said, βYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!β
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondβ¦ ionic bond. βTaken, not shared.β What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santaβs sleigh cost? $0, itβs on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
Iβm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iβm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatβs the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatβs just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit β‘To get to the other sides.
I came home afterwards "Done it?" he said.
Me - "Yeah, bit of a piss take though, cost me 50p just for some air."
"Well, that's inflation for you."
Good one, Dad.
The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'
and its number 1 at being just north of America
I turn to my wife and state matter of factly,
Did you know that over 70% of the socks made in North America are made by the same company, under different brand names? However, despite their size and large market share, they treat their employees very well. Every year they give away a bunch of free socks to each one, and employees get to pick which brand of free socks they get.
You can always tell a good company if it gives its employees sock options.
I work in a medical lab. I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didnβt bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didnβt know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said βI think heβs going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, Iβm taking him straight to Wal-Mart.β
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, βbut itβs just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!β
Replied "No, North America."
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