Keep cows well hydrated
Otherwise, they turn into real jerkies.
Where does Santa keep his coat?
How does the Earth keep itself clean ?
My company keeps asking me to sign up for a 401k.
There's no way I could run that far.
Be careful: if you keep making these terrible puns...
...you could get be charged with 'assault with a dad-ly weapon'.
I don't keep grudges. My dad kept grudges....
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
People keep telling me to use my energy well...
Does anyone know where I can get a mana pool?
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
Where did Noah keep his bees?
Where does Santa keep his money?
You always have to keep your job exciting.
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
Must....keep....maritime puns....
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
Why does my motorcycle keep falling asleep?
Just keep digging, just keep digging
A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.
Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.
Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
Where do they keep all the mansplains?
In the ‘well, actually ‘✨
My wife keeps yelling at me for only eating German sausages
I mean, what is the wurst that can happen?
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
How do you keep someone in suspense?
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent
And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me
People keep telling me to stop putting up walls
they just keep getting served all the time
How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?
You just need to take away their little brooms!
My baby keeps getting covered in drool.
I need to get a better pillow...
Where does a General keep his Armies?
Where do mirrors keep their life stories?
In their reflection journal
No, not funny
My daughter keeps putting my golf visors on all of her stuffed animals
She told me they call her the queen advisor
Keep in mind that given all of this year's events, Thanksgiving dinner can get heated
It can get re-heated the next day as well
My kids keep playing with my love handles
It's their favorite roll playing game.
Guess where I keep all the lollipops?
My wife keeps insisting that I should warm up before I start exercising.
Sounds like a stretch to me.
Who keeps the ocean clean?
A mermaid!
Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.
Where does Santa keep his money?
How do you keep an idiot in suspense
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
...
A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
How do aliens keep themselves clean while in space?
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