They just china have pun.
My boyfriend and I have pun- battles
My friend and I often have pun wars. One of us runs up to the other and says a word that we have to make puns about until somebody runs out of ideas.
I wasn’t feeling quite like myself one day, so when she ran to me and shouted, “Aluminum!” I responded, “Can it! My plans have been foiled and I’m not in the mood to scrap.”
Headlines just wanna have pun
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?”
I said, “Where did that come from?”
Edit: Thanks for the love. I’m right speechless.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4, they'd be called chicken sedans.
Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
I have a step ladder at home...
... I never knew my real ladder.
4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
I've just discovered I have a logic fetish...
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
What field does Dr.Pepper have a PhD in?
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I have a microbiology joke
I’m afraid it will go viral
Women should not have babies after 40.
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch “Gaslight”
I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”
You have fallen into his trap
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
I seem to have worn out my welcome.
They tried to sack her, and she didn’t have a leg to stand on...
Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
They’re technically Elf employed
Did you know that all Danish Boy Scouts have to get a tattoo?
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...
I have seen some crappy posts in this sub so here are some gems
Rubies, Diamonds, Emeralds, Opal, and Sapphire
I have an Italian friend who is a roadie for a band.
I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. A Czech one too.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Why did the Soviet army have such great soldiers
They were all excellent at marxmanship
I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.
Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.
Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.
Why does Norway have barcodes on their ships?
So they can just Scandinavian
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
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