Mammary intercourse Puns

“Titjob cumshot.”

挟: Between (among others). 射: Shoot (among others).

I can’t believe I’m posting this one, lol, but I’ve always found interesting how Japanese has such highly specific words, and this is the first one that came to mind since I recently told a friend about it. Might post more if I think of another one.

By the way, this doesn’t qualify as NSFW, does it?

I beg you

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

My protagonist is a heterosexual male human with a biological need to engage in intercourse with female humans and produce offspring to further propagate the human species. He automatically assesses the viability of partners by analyzing the properties of their mammary glands (size, bounce, etc.), which helps to determine the amount of nutrients said partners would provide to their offspring..

It would be unfaithful to the character for me not to describe the mammary glands in full detail, so how do I write about tits well?

Experience Reports - Datura and DPH

• Date: 8/19/2014
• Gender: Male

Report

Testing: First Phase

Objective: Attempt to engage in romantic and/or sexual contact with a sic dicitur “Shadow Person” (for science!). For this test, a female or similar entity would be preferred.

Substance(s) Utilised:

• Exactly 500 mg of Diphenhydramine in the form of pink, minuscule pills consisting of 25 mg each.
• Tea of one and one-half (1½) leaves obtained from a mature Datura Wrightii specimen steeped for approximately thirty-five (35) minutes.

Substance(s) on Stand-By (pro re nata):

• +4 mg physostigmine in two sterile syringes consisting of 2 mg each (one is to be for emergency use if needed, the other to be used as a back-up and/or as an additional supplementary dose) to be administered by intramuscular injection.
• One (1) container of eighty caffeine tablets, consisting of 200 mg each.
• One (1) container of sixty citicoline caplets, consisting of 500 mg each.
• One (1) container of sixty L-carnitine tablets, consisting of 500 mg each.
• One (1) container of thirty clonidine tablets, consisting of 0.2 mg each.

Further Information:

Carried out in dark room, no light or electricity. Doors and windows locked. Anything sharp or dangerous removed. Assistant has hand-held battery-powered illumination device and journal with two black ink fountain pens. Assistant was given strict instructions not to interfere unless absolutely necessary, to paraphrase my condition and/or actions during my experiment into said journal, and to administer the antidote and/or required medicines if an emergency should occur.

Time and Duration of Trip:

• Ingestion – 11:30pm
• Onset – 12:00am
• Rise – 12:45am
• Peak – 2:30am
• Fall – 5:35am
• Veisalgia – 6:00am to 1:53pm

Conclusory Outcome(s): Successful.

Completion of Objective(s): Successful.

Further Note(s):

• Throughout this experiment report, the hallucinated entity will be referred to as SE (Shadow Entity).
• This experiment report will be in the first person unless otherwise specified in the report.
• This experiment report is not in direct chronological order. The individual statements should not be assumed to be in an explicitly sequential order. However, the report as a whole is in a relatively chr

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

It was about a weak back.

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap