To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
ποΈ 16k
π
οΈ Nov 02 2020
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?
ποΈ 218
π
οΈ Jan 03 2021
Doctor said Iβm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
ποΈ 62
π
οΈ Jan 15 2021
Ainβt nothing but a heart break
ποΈ 5k
π
οΈ Sep 18 2020
I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 39
π
οΈ Jan 17 2021
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
ποΈ 602
π
οΈ Oct 17 2020
How did a heart end up in jail?
There was a cardiac arrest
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Jan 15 2021
Heart transplant is a really heart touching surgery
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Nov 23 2020
There was a post about a teen holding his own heart in his hands after a heart transplant, I thought these comments belonged here
ποΈ 41
π
οΈ Nov 27 2020
I would like to see a heart attack
ποΈ 37
π
οΈ Nov 27 2020
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
What vegetable lives in your heart?
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Nov 17 2020
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
ποΈ 23
π
οΈ Nov 15 2020
During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
ποΈ 442
π
οΈ Sep 12 2020
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 12 2020
Dad has a heart attack
Dad:has a heart attack
Dad:Call me an ambulance...
Son: uhhh... You're an ambulance....
Dad:....
Dad: That's my boy...dead
ποΈ 161
π
οΈ Aug 18 2020
COVID-19 can cause damage to the brain, heart, and lungs.
Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Oct 02 2020
You want to know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Nov 10 2020
My horoscope said my heart would be broken in 12 years time.
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !
ποΈ 51
π
οΈ Jul 23 2020
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 01 2020
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 23 2020
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
βNo more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokesβ
Iβm glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
ποΈ 142
π
οΈ May 31 2020
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Aug 10 2020
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
ποΈ 23
π
οΈ May 11 2020
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said βthat gave me a heart attack!β
I told him βactually that was a strokeβ
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 05 2020
A sailor wrote a book about how to win a womanβs heart
Itβs called βThe Art of Seaductionβ
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jun 22 2020
My dad had a failing heart and refused to get surgery.
But in the end, he had a change of heart.
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Jul 10 2020
I could never become a heart surgeon. Why?
I wouldnβt have the heart to do it
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Jul 22 2020
My friend created an artificial heart from stuff he got from a mine and an old pistol...
The heart is a vital ore-gun.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jul 14 2020
I stole this girl's heart
I was arrested shortly after for murder
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jul 03 2020
Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jul 26 2020
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Apr 27 2020
My dad has a heart of a lion!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 10k
π
οΈ Apr 12 2020
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
ποΈ 86
π
οΈ Oct 20 2020
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo
ποΈ 42
π
οΈ Oct 20 2020
I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 219
π
οΈ Jul 22 2020
My grandpa has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Sep 02 2020
My horoscope told me I was going to be heart broken in 12 years
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Jul 08 2020
My grandfather has the heart of a lion...
...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
ποΈ 26
π
οΈ Aug 17 2020
I have the heart of a lionβ¦
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
ποΈ 56
π
οΈ May 29 2020
My old grandad has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Sep 11 2020
My son has the heart of a lion....
And a lifetime ban from the zoo!
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 27 2020
My brother has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the San Diego Zoo.
ποΈ 115
π
οΈ Jan 20 2020
Son: *having a heart attack* dad, call me an ambulance
Dad: okay, you're an ambulance
ποΈ 192
π
οΈ Feb 02 2020
My grandpa has the heart of a lion...
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jun 15 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
![Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.](https://i.redd.it/flqsfk21c8d51.jpg){kind=link}