Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.

You just have to listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
When someone is speaking in vein

You have to listen varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/euratowel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend discovered and claimed 15 ore veins as his property...

He was loded!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There really isn’t a pun for lethal injections, I mean if you think about it, even if you do say anything, your life is still in vein...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElectroIsland
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I would tell you a joke about veins, but I'm afraid it would be in vain.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeekleNKL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If you took every vein in your body and layed them out in a straight line..

You would be dead

A joke my teacher told me in like grade 5

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NateRuman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys ever heard of Varicose Veins

They're varicose to the skin

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/russianbadger1435
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If there was a drug called Jesus, you'd literally be taking the Lord's name in vein.

I'm honestly so sorry

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
He's got ice in his veins

My little sister told him that she wants to get her friend the Frozen DVD... To which he responded "Why would you get her a frozen DVD? A thawed DVD would work much better".

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drummernv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Ugh
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_orthodocs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
My grandpa worked the mines his entire life

I really miss him, he was the coalest man I knew

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonbar9
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman's blood vessels?

Bruce Vein

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
My daughter recently had surgery and they couldn’t get the IV in but...

They just kept trying in vein!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I have finally made it

I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time β€œdad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sageyban
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A red blood cell was travelling through the bloodstream...

It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordoftheClouds00
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?

A trophy!!!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshually
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried creating a pun on plants

It was in VEIN

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slypikachu69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
I realized today the life of a blood cell is truly futile..

After all, it lives its whole life in vein

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_pendragon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
I recently failed my Medical College entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...

Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.

So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to get 'God' tattooed on my arteries

But I remembered you shouldn't use the Lords name in vein

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VenterousBrundew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Needles-s to say, a pun that's worth a shot

I hate to say it but I'm not a huge fan of donating blood. I guess its cuz needles really get under my skin. But at least its not all in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cooliojulio7997
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Son:What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?

Dad:Their effort goes in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_akshat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My proudest dad joke

This actually happened a couple years ago, but I've decided to finally come out if lurking to share it here.

I was on a trip with some friends and we had stopped for lunch. We weren't very busy so my buddy and I shared a plate of wings and a couple pitchers of beer. When it came to pay, the bill was $20.01 (I don't remember how much it actually was, but it was an odd number) and we just split the bill down the middle. When we got our checks, his had the extra penny. We joked about him paying so much more, and so I said I would add an extra penny to my tip, plus one more penny to one up him.

Afterwards when we were walking out my buddy turned to me and said "do you think she'll she even notice?" I said "I like to think that she will notice and maybe chuckle at it. Besides pennies can add up and make a difference, but that's just my 2 cents"

I am not a dad yet. But I definitely feel the fatherly humor running through my veins.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kjc2022
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
my 65y/o wife is always taking a photo with her legs shown like a model.

she's very vein.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kajo08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...

`It was his weather vein.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What state has the most people addicted to writing?

pencil-vein-yeah

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Flu Shot

I got the flu vaccination, but I got sick anyway, so I guess it was all in vein

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleMas42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.

I guess I shouldn't have taken the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I think this is my best (or worst) visual pun ever.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What's a vampire's favorite ice-cream flavor?

Vein-illa.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RAH1SH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
When you swat a mosquito on your arm

its death is in vein

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I protested doctors sticking needles in my body

I’m pretty vein about it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PawnToG4
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are cardiologists always so depressed?

Because their job is in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to brag about loosing an artery

But my friends say I'm too vein

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sposhal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried so hard to stop him from shooting heroin

but it was all in vein

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
On zombie cravings...

My kids and i had some fun with these on a car trip this past weekend...

What do zombie plumbers crave? Draaaaains!!!

What do zombie pilots crave? Planes... Plaaaanes!

What do zombie conductors crave? Traaaains!

What do zombie opthalmologists crave? Fraaames!

What do zombie construction workers crave? Craaanes!

What do zombie nurses crave? Paaains!

...

What do vampires crave? Blood.

πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monza700
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
I heard some drug addict wanted to kill himself by injecting heroin but failed to do so.

Guess it was in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/good_taters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought heroin would make me happy

But it was all in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Durdlenut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the two blood vessels?

...they loved in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacDuffy_1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If blood cells do die

then does that mean they die in vein?

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/somebody_once91
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EggNogAgenda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely
πŸ‘︎ 211
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ystad31
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
You can hear the blood flowing through your veins

if you listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
you can hear the blood in your veins

if you listen varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know

You can hear the blood in your veins. If you listen... varicosely

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ceaserdog27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.