In Death Puns

A list of puns related to "In Death"

Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

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👤︎ u/Big_Green_Grill_Bro
📅︎ Apr 09 2021
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I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

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👤︎ u/AhSparaGus
📅︎ Jan 14 2021
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A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.

"Ma'am you son dried "

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👤︎ u/fighting_astronaut
📅︎ Dec 16 2020
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On my death bed I’l request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say ‘may he rest in pees’
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👤︎ u/AMswag123
📅︎ Aug 22 2020
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A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

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👤︎ u/VeryOriginalName98
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

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👤︎ u/MafiaCub
📅︎ Sep 25 2020
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Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?

Nunchucks.

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👤︎ u/MKUltraSonic
📅︎ Sep 15 2020
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What's an Agatha Christie novel and Death in Paradise crossover special called?

Poirots of the Caribbean.

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👤︎ u/RayInRed
📅︎ Aug 05 2020
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I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

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👤︎ u/bermobaron
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Apr 28 2020
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first coronavirus death in my neighborhood.

it shouldn't have gotten that far. I wish that this damn bitch just released that pack of toilet paper.

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👤︎ u/PowerboyNL
📅︎ Mar 14 2020
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The death penalty isn't a bad idea in concept, but...

I'm not happy with the execution.

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👤︎ u/Prom3th3an
📅︎ Nov 02 2019
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An Ant is lying in its death bed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to France.They boarded a spy ship which took them to south Korea.From there they boarded a flight to France.With great difficulty they finally reached France.The father ant's health became worse.The son ant was thinking what was so important that they had to move to another country, So when they settled in their new home he finally asked..

Son Ant : Dad, We are in France now you can tell whatever you were going to tell me. The Father could not speak up so he signaled his son to come closer.The son did.

Father Ant: Son, We are now Europeants.

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👤︎ u/NoOne77492
📅︎ Jun 14 2019
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Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

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👤︎ u/_The_Last_Mainframe_
📅︎ Feb 26 2018
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My pops always said he would go to his grave with his famous BBQ chicken recipe. On his death bead, he had me lean in to tell me the secret ingredient.

That’s when I knew it was Thyme.

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👤︎ u/FactsEyeJustMadeUp
📅︎ May 01 2019
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What happens when you sleep in Death's bed?

You will have to face the reaper-cushions

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👤︎ u/Erikjb12
📅︎ Aug 03 2019
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"Rest In Peace" is a death sentence.
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👤︎ u/lfantine
📅︎ May 29 2019
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You are traveling along the Oregon Trail, and you meet a man named Terry. You say "Terry? That's a girls name!" In anger, Terry stabs you to death.

You have died of dissin' Terry.

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👤︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
📅︎ Oct 11 2018
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I went to buy a funeral plot in preparation for my eventual death...

I have to say, I had grave reservations when I left.

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👤︎ u/Vercalos
📅︎ Sep 03 2018
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Every dad at some point. Wife: Don’t let me forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Me: Don’t forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Wife: Killer death stare
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👤︎ u/bismuth482
📅︎ Oct 28 2018
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In honor of the 10 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, Kraft foods has krafted up a new salad dressing.

Called Neverland Ranch.

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👤︎ u/Anthonybrose
📅︎ Jun 25 2019
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A gangster recently plead guilty for beating a cow to death in a rice field using two porcelain figures.

Authorities say it’s the first first time they’ve ever dealt with a knick knack patty wack.

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👤︎ u/Adamkm92
📅︎ Mar 29 2018
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In a serious food fight, a food fight to the death, what would be the most appropriate food weapon? (found dad in r/AskReddit)

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/615gh8/in_a_serious_food_fight_a_food_fight_to_the_death/dfc7q3q/

Answer - Extra Sharp Cheddar

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👤︎ u/mappersdelight
📅︎ Mar 24 2017
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We followed my dad's death bed wish and buried him covered in baked flour, tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni...

R.I.P dad, Rest In Pizza.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Nov 12 2018
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"Hey, ThinkGeek now has a waffle maker that makes waffles in the shape of the Death Star..."

"...the only problem is that the waffles tend to come out a little on the dark side."

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👤︎ u/Burbada
📅︎ Nov 03 2015
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My Father-in-Law on his death bed

The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:

Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.

Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?

Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.

It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.

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👤︎ u/fericyde
📅︎ Feb 20 2014
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Even in the face of death...

http://imgur.com/5JHeTLw

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👤︎ u/ideas_r_bulletproof
📅︎ Jan 22 2014
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