The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.

Unbereavable...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Pharaoh tried to sell Amway to help offset the costs of his burial tomb.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My local cemetery is looking to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jardnose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in the newspaper for burial plots

Then I thought to myself "This is the last thing I need."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was a policeman of few words. When he guarded an ancient Egyptian Christian burial chamber he was...

A cryptic cop in a Coptic crypt.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists have discovered that putting the burial chambers inside the pyramids took a lot less time than previously thought.

It was literally a Tomb In It job

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vodkashana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What the the grave robber who stole from Tom Petty’s burial site get charged with?

Petty Larceny.

I know, too soon.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B00617825
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
My ex wife wants my burial plot.

Over my dead body.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
🚨︎ report
On the burial plans for Fidel Castro

I ask my girlfriend, "Do you think Castro will be cremated or buried?"

She says, "I couldn't care less why what do you think?"

I reply, "Probably cremated, people love to smoke Cubans."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Subbbie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ht-18
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My father found out that our house was built on what used to be a cemetery...

Brother: I wonder if it was an Indian burial ground.

Me: That would explain why I keep waking up to the smell of curry!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/esoteric-otter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I told this to my roommate yesterday

Me after pooping: "You know, if they ever kill off Carl in the Walking Dead, they should give him a burial at sea. That way, he can be one with the coral. Get it? THE CORAL!"

He groaned and my other roommate hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uldyr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Cemetery Humor

Have you heard the joke about the burial site that had to be turned 45 degrees?

There's a plot twist, but no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinitopolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
🚨︎ report
My grandpa dropped this on my grandma/ family.

My extended family was all at my grandparents house talking about visiting the family burial plot on my great grandmas birthday (she passed years ago).

This is when grandpa said he sold his burial plot. Grandma looked at him a little confused and surprised because they were going to be buried next to each other.

Grandpa smiles and says, "What? Till death do us part. After that you're on your own!"

About a minute of laughter ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2-cents
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself

That's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AF-firm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself "This is the last thing I need."
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCubed111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad on Catholic graveyards:

My dad and I were driving in the car and I said "Look, I bet that's a Catholic graveyard because it's fenced in" when he says "People are dying to get out..."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FireExtinguisher
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
🚨︎ report

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