*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*

Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"

Me: "Oh, why?"

Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yupitsnoone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When driving past a cemetery:

โ€œSee that cemetery kids? That must be a really nice one.โ€

โ€œWhy do you say that Dad?โ€

โ€œPeople are just dying to get in thereโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fraggle_captain
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Me: "The cemetery looks quite empty."

My dad: "People must be dying to get in."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cthulhouette
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are there fences around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/daddysbrat18
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RicoCat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Cemeteries must be popular.

Everyone is dying to get in there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zipflop
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.

I mean, it was a dead giveaway.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 99
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know thereโ€™s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?

Because theyโ€™re living

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DronePilotNYC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.

Dad: How many dead people are in there?

Me: I have no idea

Dad: Hopefully all of them are.

Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pork85
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many bodies are buried in Arlington National Cemetery?

All of them

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are cemeteries always so full?

high density cities have higher growth rates than can keep up with changing land use needs

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Poortio
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You should wear your mask whenever you go to a cemetery in this pandemic.

Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/25BicsOnMyBureau
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Whyโ€™s there a fence around the cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nicfort
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are there gates around the cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 61
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SexWithShrek
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!

It was quite the Plot Twist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nickycthatsme
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
*Passing every cemetery as a child* Dad would exclaim....

"WOW, people are DYING to get into that place!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThicccAsCookieDough
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโ€™t.โ€ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโ€™t be buried here.โ€ I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz theyโ€™re still alive!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 86
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So in my country there is an app that helps navigate through cemeteries

That will help to avert many grave mistakes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NAVY-Inquisition
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know why they put fences around cemeteries?

People are just dying to get in

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hambone0109
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I asked my daughter if she wanted to take a walk in the cemetery, but she wasn't interested.

I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bondjimbond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.

Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you canโ€™t be buried there?

Me: What?? Why not?

Tour guide: Because youโ€™re still alive!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lind-zayy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.

People are dying to get in there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TomWaah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I love living next to a cemetery

It's dead quiet.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DragonReborn64
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A cemetery is a terrible setting for a convincing horror story.

Too many plot holes.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zachpledger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why do cemeteries have walls and fences around them?

Because people are dying to get in!

(My dad told me this one when we drove past a cemetery one day lol)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 80
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EverReverie
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Cemeteries remind me of the TV show Cheers.

It's a place where everyone knows your name.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Aagistar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I hate driving by the cemetery

It's just always so dead

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Stewinator
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. Iโ€™ll let myself out.....

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/greggy_rabs
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are cemeteries so popular?

People are dying to get in.

(My dad actually told me this joke. This was my first time hearing it.)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrClash8738
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The groundskeeper for the cemetery...

in the end is buried by his work.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dyspaereunia
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Our townโ€™s new cemetery is really popular

People are dying to get in

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AeroEpsilon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why did they build a wall around the cemetery?

Because people were dying to get in!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alan_M_C
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In car earlier with wife, daughter, parents. We drive by a cemetery. My dad says โ€œyou guys know how many people are dead in there?โ€

In unison dead pan my wife and mother: โ€œall of themโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/donniccolo
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 369
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Cemeteries are like exclusive nightclubs.

People are dying to get inside.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/prophylaxitive
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My friend decided to do stand up comedy in a cemetery

It was a grave mistake

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ayyyyysdf165
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We were driving past a cemetery.

My dad said in a dead serious quiet voice "I know something you don't know about this place. The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried here."

And I was really confused, so I asked why.

He said "because they are still alive."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 59
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RayInRed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I saw this odd guy walking towards the cemetery with a shovel...

I had grave concerns

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1kings2214
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are cemeteries always fenced off?

Because people are always dying to get in

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/333iamhalfevil
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I hear there's a new cemetery in town that's so nice, everyone is dying to get in.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fleshandcolor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.

I mean, it was a dead giveaway.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_houser
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many people are dead in the cemetery?

All of them.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fitzpsfrequency
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?

Because people are dying to get in.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wheelsonhell
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโ€™t.โ€ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโ€™t be buried here.โ€ I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz theyโ€™re still alive!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are there walls around a cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/warmrhunder51
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 252
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.