The folks who live in my town arenโt allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.
Mostly because theyโre not dead yet.
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Jan 30 2021
When I won the grand prize at cemetery, I knew exactly what it was.
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Me: "The cemetery looks quite empty."
My dad: "People must be dying to get in."
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Dec 19 2020
I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.
I mean, it was a dead giveaway.
๐︎ 101
๐
︎ Oct 05 2020
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.
Dad: How many dead people are in there?
Me: I have no idea
Dad: Hopefully all of them are.
Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 26 2020
Whyโs there a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in
๐︎ 36
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︎ Sep 28 2020
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Oct 07 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโt.โ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโt be buried here.โ I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyโre still alive!"
๐︎ 83
๐
︎ Jul 26 2020
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.
Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you canโt be buried there?
Me: What?? Why not?
Tour guide: Because youโre still alive!
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jul 20 2020
I asked my daughter if she wanted to take a walk in the cemetery, but she wasn't interested.
I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Aug 17 2020
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.
People are dying to get in there.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jun 14 2020
Cemeteries remind me of the TV show Cheers.
It's a place where everyone knows your name.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jul 28 2020
I hate driving by the cemetery
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ May 31 2020
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. Iโll let myself out.....
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ May 14 2020
The groundskeeper for the cemetery...
in the end is buried by his work.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Mar 25 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
๐︎ 363
๐
︎ Oct 12 2019
I saw this odd guy walking towards the cemetery with a shovel...
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Jan 04 2020
The other day I saw a cemetery
โAnd I said to myself oh I would die to get in thereโ
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Nov 15 2019
I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery....
3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them "I understand....I used to get freaked out too when I was alive."
Never seen anyone run so fast.
๐︎ 153
๐
︎ Jul 28 2019
Last October, I was walking through the cemetery and I came across a trash can where someone had thrown out their Kraft halloween monster themed mac and cheese...
It was the mac.
It was the monster mac.
the monster mac
was in the graveyard trash.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 16 2020
What is the most powerful gang in a cemetery?
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 30 2019
Saw someone visiting their deerly departed at the cemetery.
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Jun 25 2019
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look whoโs grounded now, mom.
๐︎ 47
๐
︎ Jul 29 2019
My dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday....
He buried someone in the wrong plot....
It was a grave mistake!
๐︎ 39
๐
︎ Mar 29 2019
"Dad: 'Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?'
me: 'Really? why not?'
dad: 'Because they're not dead yet.'
๐︎ 845
๐
︎ Mar 25 2018
The cemetery is the most popular place in town
People are literally dying to get in
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Oct 08 2019
I don't know why you missed getting a free corpse at the cemetery.
The sign was a dead giveaway
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 08 2019
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Mar 28 2019
A cemetery on the end of a road is literally a dead end.
People are just dying to get in it seems.
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Jun 16 2019
You know, the cemetery business is one of the best businesses to invest in.
People are dying to get in.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jun 23 2019
Cemeteries are one of the most popular tourist attractions
People are dying to get into them!
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ May 15 2019
The state just called to say they buried my grandpa in the wrong cemetery
Looks like they've made a grave mistake!
๐︎ 22
๐
︎ Oct 24 2018
Today I found out the guy who invented the crossword puzzle is buried at my local cemetery
If you're looking for the headstone go 9 down 3 across.
I don't quite recall his name...
I think I was P something T something something...
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Mar 16 2019
What did the necrophiliac seek at the cemetery?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Oct 25 2018
*Passes town cemetery* โWell, it looks like weโve reached the dead centre of townโ
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Dec 31 2018
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Apr 15 2019
I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.
I mean, it was a dead giveaway.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Nov 08 2020
Why are there gates around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
๐︎ 61
๐
︎ Oct 07 2020
How many people are dead in the cemetery?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 20 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donโt.โ And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canโt be buried here.โ I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyโre still alive!"
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Jul 28 2019
Why did they build a wall around the cemetery?
Because people were dying to get in!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jun 02 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
๐︎ 253
๐
︎ May 16 2019
Thereโs a line outside the cemetery
People are dying to get in there
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Oct 10 2019
My Dad lost his job at the cemetery after burying someone in the wrong hole.
๐︎ 57
๐
︎ Sep 16 2018
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are just dying to get in there
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 03 2019
My dad an I were driving around town when we passed the cemetery
He told me, dead serious and in a low voice, โI know something you donโt know about this place. The people living in this town arenโt allowed to be buried here.โ
I was confused so I asked him why.
His response, โtheyโre still aliveโ
๐︎ 22
๐
︎ Feb 14 2019
Why are there gates around the cemetery
Because people are always dying to get in
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jun 06 2019
Do you know why there is a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in there
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 07 2019
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