I hear some US states are considering reopening massage parlors. There's no happy ending in this scenario.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chxkh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad hit me with this one just before ending our phone conversation.

Dad: Ow by the way before you go. Why are hurricanes named after women? Me: I don't know. Dad: Because when they come it's wet and wild, but when they leave they take your car and your house.

Class.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omex_uk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Help! This fishy ballpoint is trying to end my life!

The sus pen is killing me!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanmgarcia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2022
🚨︎ report
You know, this happens every year. I tell myself it’s the end of the Christmas season and not to get too emotional. The holiday season has to end sometime and we have a whole new year ahead. But still, when I take down the tree…

I can’t help but get a little sappy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fairly_legal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
🚨︎ report
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...

It's night.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aptom_4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
"This has to end," I told my wife "13 Prime packages just this week!"

When she insisted she'd only gotten six packages, I counted them in front of her: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sassaphras
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
🚨︎ report
I posted this on r/eyebleach and in the end it got heavily downvoted but I wasn't missing the opportunity to post a terrible pun
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Magic_Fetus
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I wrote an essay in highschool about lottery winners who ended up losing. Apparently I thought this was way funnier than it is.
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSkylitPanda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I hope this quarantine end soon.

I'm sick and tired of telling inside jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
We CANNOT let this year end.

Cos then we will be admitting 2021.

But then again, we can't just skip 2021. Cos the next year is 2022.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamishjoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Putting a dad joke in my vows

I am marrying the most incredible woman on October 2nd, She is my dream woman in some ways, and re-wrote what my dream woman is in others - some were ways that I did not know were options, so I didn't dream of a woman having it!

So I am writing my vows and I am writing a bit about how I love her and end it with:

"Even when we are apart for only a few hours, we tell each other how much we miss each other. Well today, I misses you."

Wedding is on October 2nd and I cannot wait to drop this beauty on everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerExecChef
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
🚨︎ report
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
So that would make this a "dead" end then?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hizakyte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The Greatest Fighter In The World

So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.

He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.

But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.

The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."

So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.

The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.

H

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetHatDisc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
🚨︎ report
And this is the way it ends
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/luckytoothpick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Only this morning I learned my high end toaster isn't waterproof

.....I was shockedπŸ™„

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."

"That's the goal at least."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one butt cheek say to the other one?

Together we can put an end to this crap.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaporjo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s a long one

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyerΒ persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bak_286
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
🚨︎ report
thought this was good enough to end up here /r/cleanjokes/comments/j3…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/size_q
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
For their Halloween party the young couple decide to dress up (or down) as cave men and women, covering themselves only in leaves and twigs.

Worse than the costume idea was the frequent wardrobe malfunctions that came about throughout the evening. Luckily for everyone the couple would manage to get a hold of the situation before things slipped down too far. Though unluckily for everyone, the guy would always end this awkward real-life recurring slapstick segment with the even more awkward dad joke: "what a releaf".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForevermoreNow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
🚨︎ report
At least I think I'm funny

The other day, we took our kids (2 and 5) on a hay ride at a seasonal event hosted by a local farm.

When the hayride ended and we were getting off, the couple in front of us pointed out that a nearby goat was eating grass with it's head poked though a small hole in the fence. To my comment "See, the grass really is greener on the other side".

I turned and there was no reaction by my family, or the couple, but I was overjoyed at my joke. Looks like I'll have to get used to this reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erihel518
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2021
🚨︎ report
You should be excited about the end of this decade

It happens only once in 10 years

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ninajji1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1

It’s a four-gone conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt this should end up here
πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefirstline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/svk7sarthak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
All the dad jokes that have made me laugh/breath out my nose since I had my firstborn at the start of 2021

Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.

Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.

It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.

What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck

If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?

Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car

How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit

What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka

What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places

I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope βœ‰

Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid

Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze

If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS

Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in

Did you know Bruce Lee had a Faster older brother? Sudden lee

Did you know he also had a Vegan brother? Broco lee

Pig black belt in karate Pork chop

How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.

You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.

I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out

What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant

did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?

What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn

What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio

What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe

Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.

My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief

Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop

Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because th

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krowvin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Cocaine is no joke I'm at the end of the line on this one
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie... ... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I want is for wars to end.'' She drags forth a handy map of the world. ,,See these countries? They are scarred with ancient bloodfeuds. You should show them peace. Yes, that's my wish.''

,,B-but ma'm, that's impossible! Their hearts are so hardened, and I would have to prevent droughts and hunger and disarm all threats...-'' pleas the genie desperately.

,,Very well, since you're so tired, I guess I'll settle for something else. Now... I've been without a man for so long, and my last husband was nothing short of a rat, so I'd like a man. A man that... does the laundry and the dishes and vaccuums the house. He must be gentle in manners but wild and talented in bed, and of course sexy and handsome. He must love me more than anything else in this world and tell me so each day with a bouquet of flowers. But most of all he'll have to understand me. Yes, that's what I want, the perfect man.''

The genie sighs. ,,Just give me the fucking map.'

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YZXFILE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
🚨︎ report
This is a story that ends in my best joke to date.

I'm a nanny, the family I work for typically hang out for 10-30 minutes before the parents leave me and baby alone, just to chat and catch up, as well as to mitigate any potential meltdowns from a sudden leaving.

Anyway, Baby has started walking and is very keen to investigate everything. Yesterday he was headed straight to the electrical outlet. So I said to him, "oh no that's not a toy! Our fingers don't go there,"

Dad says, "baby disagrees"

"That's shocking."

Dad, "That's better than any dad joke I've come up with"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyDogsNameIsToes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the math teacher late to work?

She took the rhombus.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babydluv21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year I’ll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...

2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frankaydoodl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Two scientists are sitting by the river, researching to solve a difficult problem

They go through countless papers to no avail, until finally one of them finds one that holds the information they seek.

"I think this one might contain the answers we need!" the first scientist says

He reads the abstract, it's on point

He goes through the main body of the text, and finds it extraordinarily enlightening

But before he gets to the end, a gust of wind blows the last few pages over the river.

"Oh no, I really wanted to read their summary" he says.

The other scientist goes: "The river is broad, surely I can hop over it"

"I think that's a bad idea" the first scientist says

"Why?" asks the second scientist

"Well, we were always taught that we should not jump to conclusions"

Edit: changed a word

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/niko7965
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A teenager drives up to his crush's house the day before school prom and asks if she would like to dance with him.

She excitedly says yes, and the boy spends the entirety of the next day preparing for the big day.

The first thing he does to make it extra fancy is to rent a limousine for a day (yes, he is rich), but when he arrives at the rental center, he notices that many other people had the same idea. There was an enormous line that stretched out the building. Nevertheless, this boy was determined to make this night a special night, and waited for hours. Luckily, he succeeded in the end, and rented a shiny black limo. He was starting to get really excited.

After that, he goes to the tailor to pick up a brand new suit and tie to look as sharp as possible. But once again, the line for that wrapped around the block and forced the boy to wait another long hour. He sighed, but still waited in line, as he was quite persistent and knew it would be well worth it in the end. In the end, though, he got a perfect suit that fit him well. No wrinkles, no nothing; it was just pure handsomeness.

Then, the moment came. In his limousine, he once again drove up to his crush's house, well-dressed in the brand new suit he just bought. She came out looking stunning as well in an aqua dress that sparkled in the evening sunlight. Excited as ever, she leaped into the fancy limo and rode to prom with him, ready for the big night.

When they arrived, however, there was yet another long line into the ballroom, as many people needed to be accepted. It was quite a busy night. After half an hour of waiting, the couple finally made it through and began dancing. It was all going really well, and everyone was having quite a grand time.

A few hours later, they became thirsty and went to get a drink. Both him and his girlfriend were in the mood for fruit punch, but nobody else seemed to want it. When they entered the snack bar, they noticed more long lines of people wanting to get other snacks and drinks, but surprisingly... there was no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PiGuy88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Roadside Assistance

So there’s this guy, and his car breaks down on the side of the road. He keeps waiting for help, but it never comes, and he ends up dying in his car. After he dies, he gets to heaven, and he demands an audience with God. He say, β€œGod, I’ve been a good man. I’ve always gone to church, I took care of my fellow man, I helped the poor. Why weren’t you there for me when I needed you?!” God looked down and slowly shook his head and said, β€œMy son… I’ve been trying to reach you regarding your vehicle’s extended warranty.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sully1227
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Is infinity odd or even?

Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.

Like a match made in heaven.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
We can't let this year end!

Because that will mean 2021

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house

They snuck from their beds in the middle of the night and met in the gloomy darkness in front of the house, shivering in the cold.

The first boy said in a loud whisper, "You guys bring anything?" He slid a gun out of his pocket. The second boy nodded and revealed a knife. The third boy pulled out a flashlight.

"You didn't bring a weapon?" the first boy asked. He shrugged and replied, "Sorry". And as if to prove it, he turned his pockets out to show nothing but stray lint and a pack of cough drops.

They crept in. The door shut behind them. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. The flash light clicked on. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door on the other side, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a dead body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They found a fully set, ornate dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal goblets, pitchers and silverware adorned the table. Spiders crept over ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hel

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what we’re going to see at the end of this year?

2020 won.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nebblord
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.