I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.
He replied, “I refuse to work with compost! It’s so degrading!”
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.
Better eat it before it goes off.
grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens
he was a really bad cabinet maker...
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.
He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
My grandpa always told me "when one door closes another one opens."
A lovely and inspiring man...makes shit cabinets though.
How does a Muslim close the door?
The vegetable shop had to close
The vegetable shop had to close down.
Why?
IT WAS FULL OF LEEKS
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"
I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
My dad always said "as one door closes another one opens"
He never quite got the hang of assembling Ikea furniture.
Why did the almond close the blinds?
Because her neighbour was always pecan.
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...
I told them that they were still a few yards away.
Every morning when my wife closes the bedroom door in our 1-bedroom apartment I tell her...
Have a great day at work hunny.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Ya know, I really like the singer Sia, but I'm a bigger fan of the band that always closes her concerts
Why are the members of the Titanic survivors’ support group so close?
Everyone was in same boat.
Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to a new(ish) sandwich shop for dinner, close to where she grew up.
Her: This building didn’t used to be here.
Me: Every building didn’t used to be there!
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.
We must not let 2020 come to a close
Otherwise we will have to admit that 2021
What’s it called when a drake chases a female, getting nearer and nearer but never close enough to mate?
Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"
He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.
Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
Hehehe close quarters....
Do you know why snipers always close an eye aming?
Because if they closed both they wouldn't see anything
I wasn’t close to my father when he died
Which was a good thing, because he stepped on a land mine
I’m close to completing my collection of captioned photos showing lions sleeping.....
A meme away. A meme away.
My furniture and I are really close
My recliner and I go way back.
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, “I’ll take a turtle soup...
and make it snappy”.
I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
I told the doctor, when I close my eyes I see pink elephants. He asked: " Have you seen an optician?"
I said "No. Just pink elephants."
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
When one door closes, another one opens
Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.
How does a Muslim close a door?
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
How does a muslim close a door?
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