Next level stuff right here
They've discovered a breed of oxen that is genetically identical from one generation to the next, each one an almost exact copy of the one that came before except for some slight degradation.
I saw a movie about computer hackers. It is rumored that the next part will show them breaking into government databases, …
… but the makers are still working out the SQL.
PS: looks like only a SELECT GROUP FROM REDDIT will get this joke
The lesbians next door got me a Rolex as a gift
I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"
The landlord left the balcony door open in the suite next to mine and a bunch of pigeons moved in. I don’t mind much, I wasn’t a fan of the old neighbours but these ones…
I lost my watch at a party. I found it but some guy was standing on it and arguing with his girlfriend. Next thing you know he punches her so I knocked him out.
Nobody hits a girl.....not on my watch.
Someone stole all my next door neighbor's grass last night.
He’s out there now looking forlorn...
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I really hope they name the next Fast And Furious movie
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe next to you, and a lion chasing you. What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel
Two limbo players walk into a bar and guess what happened next.
I'm really excited for the next autopsy club.
If you see two potatoes standing next to each other, how can you tell which one is a prostitutes?
The one that says "Idaho".
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
Because I always take my shit to the next level
A giant hole suddenly appeared in the street next to us.
The cops are currently looking into it.
Guess they should read the bio next time
How did the bank robber choose his next target?
He used Google safe search!
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...
I'm starting a new job next week, and they're really behind so we will need to do some serious catch up..
And mustard.
Made my dad chuckle so I hope you do as well.
I put my left ear next to one of those fancy wind funnel fans, and I actually could feel a little air coming out of my right ear.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Every day I set my clock to wake me up the next morning.
I'm naming my next band Knee Jerk
That way, we're sure to get a reaction.
Someone once told me that Sweden was right next to Greece.
The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.
I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse. (Credit - Gary Delaney)
Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger are getting married next month.
Don’t laugh, this is cereal.
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.
It will...be my Civic duty.
I bought an Xbox to put next to my cabinet filled with photos of boars
Now I have an Xbox and a game console
Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.
It’s really hard to differentiate between them.
I will become the next great god. The embodiment of Thor and Odin’s power.
My son is starting school next year but is scared because he thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I reassured him, "Don't be silly! Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
I was putting a fork in an electric outlet. What happened next, shocked me!
Starting next week, I'm going to dress as a different type of bread every day.
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
At every family wedding my Aunt keeps on asking , " Are you next , are you next ? ""
So now at every family funeral I ask , " Are you next , are you next ? "
Now for my next trick... making your voice louder than usual
I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!
If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.
I had an argument with my brother about how to get to the next floor in the mall because he refused to use the stairs or the elevator
My next thought was: "Well, that escalated quickly"
A comprehensive guide to take your Dad joke to the next level...
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.
"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.
"Yeah? What?" She responded.
"Was that you?" I called back.
After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"
I could not stop laughing.
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