My calculator only has enough power left to do one calculation
I really have to make it count
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?
All the others are non-binary
My iphone is only responding to Shirley instead of Siri.
I forgot I left it in Airplane mode.
What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms?
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear...
What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
I was raised as an only child....
It really annoyed my sister.
Did you hear the secret joke that only the FBI, CIA, NSA and MI6 know?
The chicken coop only had 2 doors
since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
Why was the king only 12 inches tall?
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Why do the French only eat one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
John Bon Jovi has started an extremely strict fruit only diet...
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
What kind of horses only come out at night?
If you sin 90 times, you'll only get caught 50% of times,
Stoners are lighter, cause only balloons get high
Each time you light with a lighter, the lighter gets lighter untill the light so light that it will not light
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
My friend only does crimes that are in style...
Arson is so hot right now
What music concert costs only 45 cents?
It's 50 Cent featuring nickleback.
I started telling my grandkids about how I built my house from the ground up. They complained that that’s the only story I ever told.
Well, children, this is a one-story house.
In search of spiritual enlightenment, I travelled to India and encountered a mystic sage that worshipped flat bread and flat bread only.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
What do you call a donkey with only three legs?
The only dad joke I know. My friend asked me to post it. :-)
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!
Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4, they'd be called chicken sedans.
I went to the zoo the other day, it only had one dog in it.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I was the only one in the family who believed in my brother to become a ninja, so when my dad said „he will never make it“
What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a 'T'?
Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.
He kept things pretty low key.
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with this.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
The cheap, sketchy airline I fly only does red-eyes....
It's a real fly by night operation
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Why was the king only 12 inches tall?
The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......
...... because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weakened immune system.
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because for them, one egg is un oeuff
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