The urge to sing βThe Lion Sleeps Tonightβ is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Was at a yardsale where someone had Tremors, Footloose, and Friday the 13th. Tonight I'm...
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︎ Apr 18 2021
At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...
I told her she didnβt have to finish her dinner.
She replied, βNo dad, my name is full!β
Sheβs learning!
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︎ Apr 09 2021
My wife couldnβt believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Dig a hole in me tonight
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︎ Nov 01 2020
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said βmummy, youβve peeβd on the floorβ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan on the road.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
I made Himalayan rabbit stew for supper tonight for my family
I found Himalayan on the side of the road on my way home
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︎ Feb 10 2021
The wife asked me tonight if Iβd seen the dog bowl.
I said βto be honest I didnβt even know he played cricketβ.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I had a go at making soup for the family tonight
I had some great feedback, the kids even said it was souper good!
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Iβve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.
I shouldβve seen it coming, but... you know.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight
They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!
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︎ Jan 17 2021
Just before midnight tonight, Iβll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
The Vietnamese restaurant was very rude about the long line they had tonight...
...it was a big Phα» queue.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.
I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You look sweepy"
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︎ Aug 11 2020
My fire tonight...
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︎ Nov 25 2020
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Hubs is gonna be late tonight
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︎ Aug 29 2019
Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?
Me: Sure, what are you playing?
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I have a marathon to be at tonight.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Tonight Iβm gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...
Because I found Himalayan on the road.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasnβt going to happen.
She said: βNot tonight. Period.β
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Been a dad 5 mo, so Iβm a little new to this... Hit my wife with this one tonight at dinner.
Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.
Wife: What are you thinking?
Me: Business casual.
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︎ Jul 09 2019
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
tonight on puns
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︎ Sep 18 2019
Was pretty proud of this exchange on a dating app tonight
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︎ Dec 18 2018
My wife shredded some cheese to sprinkle on the pasta tonight.
I told her sheβs doing grate.
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︎ Jul 13 2020
To celebrate Bundesliga return tonight!!
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︎ May 16 2020
I am grilling tonight. I don't know how these sausages will turn out...
but I am expecting the wurst.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
I was making pizzas for dinner with my son tonight
As my son finished spreading the pizza sauce on the bases: βHow do they look Dad!β
I reply: βThey canβt, they donβt have eyesβ
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Get with me tonight
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︎ Nov 06 2019
There's a great documentary on tv tonight about perfume.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
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︎ Jul 08 2020
The urge to sing βa lion sleeps tonightβ is always a whim away.
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
π︎ 52
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︎ Apr 15 2021
For me, the urge to sing βThe Lion Sleeps Tonightβ is always just a whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"
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︎ Dec 12 2020
For me, the urge to sing βThe Lion Sleeps Tonightβ is always just a whim away...
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
π︎ 14k
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︎ Sep 20 2019
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"
I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
π︎ 12
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︎ Oct 11 2020
The sudden urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 01 2020
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" may come at any time
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
π︎ 83
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︎ Apr 12 2020
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