What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What do you call a handyman's skill set?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Why was the writer kicked off of the movie set?
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︎ Nov 15 2020
If all the elves were missing from my son's LOTR Lego set,
Would you call that a Lego-loss?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
At a garage sale yesterday I got a George Foreman grill and a Muhammed Ali DVD set...
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︎ Nov 09 2020
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
Goddamn those big game hunters
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︎ Oct 21 2020
The recipe said, βSet the oven to 180 degrees.β
Now I canβt open it, as the door faces the wall.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
A police officer, notorious for bad spelling, is set to interrogate three theives, Tim, Bob, and Joe.
When asked who he thinks will give up the location stolen goods, he replys βOnly Time will tellβ
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︎ Sep 21 2020
A sage once set himself on fire to cleanse the monastery of evil smells. [OC]
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)
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︎ Jun 22 2020
Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA
Set to be called the Google Chromosome.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
I'm trying out this new kitchen set with no egg beater
The says it's a 30 day whisk free trial
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︎ Sep 20 2020
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
A very good set of food puns
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I sold a Chess set to my friend. He asked if all the pieces were there.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
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︎ Aug 11 2020
A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"
I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.
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︎ Aug 13 2020
A pumpkin spiced latte joke should contain the set up, followed by the punchline and
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︎ Sep 26 2020
A drum set fell down the stairs
Ba dum dum dum dum dum ow
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︎ Sep 19 2020
My 15 year old told me he set up an IRA account. I said βAre you kidding me?β
He said βNo, Iβm adulting you.β
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
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︎ Sep 16 2020
As my impeccably dressed co-worker has aged, incontinence has set in.
He went from dapper Dan to diaper Dan.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart
A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Get set....
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
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︎ Aug 15 2020
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.
She said, βLetβs sleep on it.β
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︎ Aug 28 2020
What do you call a ghost that haunts the set of a day-time tv talk show?
The Phantom of the Oprah.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...
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︎ Aug 02 2020
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."
Those dustbins must be very intelligent.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
My friend's bakery got set on fire the other day
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︎ Jun 09 2020
The knights of the round table all had a unique set of skills
Do you think Sir Lancelot was good at jousting? Or just really liked it.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
This son of a bitch got me. Can't be mad though; I set him up and did even realize it.
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︎ May 11 2020
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.
The doctor called in the womanβs brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.
When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious.
She said βOh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?β
The doctors replied βWell, the girlβs name is Denise!β
βOh, thatβs not so bad! And the boy?β
βDenephewβ
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Couldnβt ask for a better set up
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︎ Jun 21 2020
I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.
He was plotting against me!
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I set the bar pretty lowβ¦
Because I like to do the limbo
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︎ Aug 07 2020
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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︎ Apr 17 2020
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