Span Puns

His name is 80-HD.

I can't remember what he said after that

At this rate, I’ll finish reading the dictionary in a month or so.

Its only a twenty second movie

Spanish.

The truth is, it's genetic. I actually come from a long line of dads spanning many generations.

Okay... A bit of back story. My dad is someone who knows how to end fun...

But all in all, it is fine. We just normally talk t on him about serious topics.

So one night, my dad was in the shower. My sister and I were bickering about something and she did something that made me angry. So I screamed at my dad to "look at what she did" (I think she hit me or something) and all he merely did was peaked his head out of the bathroom and went back in.

I was expecting something like a scolding or something so I screamed again. Then he told me that I asked him to "look" and so he did already.

I promised myself to not talk to him again until I left my home. But if course with my bloody short attention span (I was around 7 or 8), I forgot about it the next morning. My sis n him had a laugh... 😠😠😠

Short tension span

Span-ish

Span-ish

My friend got a static shock, and in the span of 5 minutes I rattled off these:

• Geez, that's shocking news.

• How are you current-ly feeling?

• Don't give me that look. I'm just trying to energize you.

• Looks like I gotta amp up my jokes.

• I'm gonna hit you with a battery of jokes until you laugh.

• Don't let your sense of humor be so static.

• This isn't a crime, you can't charge me with anything.

• Wire you so upset?

• Do you want me to plug the stream of jokes?

First and foremost, I've decided to add a rule 7. Please, for the love of God, have the slightest bit of creativity and do not put the punchline of the joke in the title. The reasoning being as follows.

Most importantly, putting the punchline in the title ruins the joke, unless it is a one liner!
*
Secondarily, this is a puns subreddit dedicated to wordplay, if you lack the creativity to restate something in a humorous way rather than regurgitating the punchline as the header, perhaps this isn't the subreddit for you...

#Secondarily,

I've made a few minor spam filter tweaks. Your post will be caught in the spam filter if:

1. Your account has less than +3 combined comment and link karma.
2. Your account is less than 7 days old.

What will happen if your post is filtered is it will automatically go into the spam queue, and I'll try to have it unfiltered in the span of a couple of minutes/hours, but sometimes I do sleep so sadly it may take longer.

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If your post is not appearing and it has not violated any of the rules, feel free to drop us a mod message and I'll get a mobile notification within 30 minutes or so of the post removal, putting it on the fast track to being restored.

My dad - to this day - delights in embarrassing my sister and me any chance that he gets (of course). Though, admittedly it's much harder for him to do now that we're adults, but he still tries and sometimes succeeds.

My favorite thing he ever did: he took my sister and me out to eat and when the waitress came to our table he said, "Let me get this straight, my son can get anything on the menu that he wants?!" She said, "Well, yeah, of course." Then he threw the menu on the ground and with a shit-eating grin asked her to stand on it.

My sister starts laughing and said, "Dad, you're nuts!" Very quickly, he looked down like he was looking for something and said, "What, are they showing?"

I think that was probably his most masterful dad moment. He embarrassed me, then my sister and confounded the waitress all in the span of 30 seconds.

With most 8 year olds, they forget to do normal things due to their attention span.

Yesterday was no exception.

After she took a shower I went into the bathroom and noticed she left her towel on the floor and also noticed, to my own disgust, that she forgot to flush the toilet which still had a fresh "brownie" inside.

I went over to her and this conversation went down.

Me: "Hey dear, can you go to the bathroom and pick up your towel and flush the toilet, please?"

Her: "Oh yea! Sorry, I totally forgot!"

Me: "You mean you TURD-ally forgot!"

Initially inspired by a joke I heard elsewhere on the Internet but I took it a step farther. Hint: there are several hidden puns (at least 6)

Dear Algebra, Stop asking me to find your X. As to the reason she left, we'll never know Y. She probably never fancied your green bra. Maybe it's a sin that she wants a distant relationship. But have no fear, as she spans higher dimensions for true love, she'll look far and wide, for she lives on the edge. She'll soon realize that she's not so significant after all.