Now it can offer a whole lot more.
Yeah, they're calling it global worming.
That's inflation for you
"You're a pizza sheet"
To me this was the moment I knew my girlfriend was a pun master.
Going to the kitchen to grab some more food, my girlfriend happened to be standing there. As a was scooping seconds of dinner she said something and I said one second.. She said "no seconds" as the scoop hit the plate and the words left my mouth.. Two puns at once! I was impressed and amazed needed to post it.
Playing soccer with my 8 year old brother (I'm sortve like an uncle to him) when he then says his eye is hurting.
Me: Really are you okay?
Him: Yeah it's alright. It happens sometimes when I'm reading and i can't make out the words.
Me: (thinking he may have dyslexia) Oh really, what happens to the words when you try to read them?
Him: I can't read them. Sometimes words just moosh together, like "they" and "are" become one word, it's weird.
Me: Maybe you just have conjunctivitis!
XD
(Then had to explain what "conjunctivitis" and a "conjunction" is - still a win in my books)
Current events make it less attractive.
All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop
Yes it’s a double pun. This is probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my whole life...
So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.
After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop
It's actually a double pun and enters the realm of dad quality
So he gave it to her.
It cost me an arm and a leg!
He got toad.
It was worth it though... That club was hopping.
ME: ...And?
I had one that cost me an arm and a leg
He called me eight eyes.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture.
How do you know an Irishman is having fun?
He’s Dublin over with laughter!
😂😂😂🥁☘️🇮🇪🌈💰 #doubledose #irishcarbombs #dailydadjokes #luckycharms #rimshot #kneeslapper #stpattysday2021 #luckoftheirish #greenbeer #march17th
Happy St Paddy’s Day everyone!
Double negatives are a real no-no.
I'm going to try and win her back.
He said, “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...”
Only a fraction of people will understand this.
The naturist groups report their members have doubled in size.
(Too subtle for a dad joke?)
There was a lot at stake in the relationship, but now she’s just an old flame.
Scott epipen
Because they dribble.
But I don't know Y
They’re great at range
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
Chicago.
He was as famous for his barrage of punches as he was for his rhyming taunts before a big match.
The called him the Jabberwookie.
I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.
By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.
they were double agents.
So he gave her one
It’s considered a Vin nyet.
I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.
It’s literally the blind leading the blind.
It can offer a whole lot more.
So he gives it to her.
