I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What do you call singing in motion?

walk-apella

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayDeeVeeYes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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If a cat wrote the laws of motion, what would you call the cat?

Isaac Mewton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/postmodernpotato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...

I told him I miter saw who it was...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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I’m gonna create perpetual motion

Nobody can stop me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWESOMEJ27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I've been working on a perpetual motion machine my whole life.

I can't stop working on it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EricICX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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I read a famous actress is very excited to star as a pregnant woman in a motion picture

Personally I think she's just ovary acting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stanfan114
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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A Haiku in motion.....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
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What do you call a film that's entirely in stop motion?

A non-stop motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extendedlead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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What do you call a Xenomorph motion detector?

A Giger counter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryotaiku
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
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If a mute man indicates he wants to buy a toothbrush he makes a brushing motion on his teeth to the cashier. If so, then what does a blind man do to indicate that he wants a toothbrush?

He talks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerpnessDerp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
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We were talking about motion sensors, when my dad said...

"I used to have a motion sensor. We called them mood rings."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weightroom711
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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After third law of motion. Isaac's life took a ...

Newton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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What is called it when you get motion sickness on a submarine?

Underseasick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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Poultry in motion.

Co-worker and I were talking about his contract here, and if he's heard anything about the position here at work. He told me he hasn't, but that he has some other interviews coming up.

"I don't want to keep all my eggs in one basket" he tells me.

"That's right." I reply. "You should keep them in the fridge so they don't spoil!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrainAss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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A chicken crossing the road...

is poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfyPlayz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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What do you call a chicken crossing the road?

Poultry in motion

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced…

"BOOM?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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What should you call a Russian Wedding?

Soviet Union

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BoogiepoP_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A young man was walking through town when he came across a fishing supply store.

His father had never taught him to fish, and he always wanted to give it a shot. He glanced in the window and saw a beautiful new fishing rod on sale for 10% off. After a moment of contemplation, he turned and headed home, quickly forgetting about the fishing rod.

The next day he walked by again and paused, taking another glance in the window. The fishing rod was still there, only it was 30% off now. He took a few minutes to think it over, but decided against it. He hurried along his way.

The next day, he couldn’t get the idea of sitting on the lake fishing out of his mind. He made up an excuse to walk by the store again, and he peered through the big glass window to see the fishing rod still there, only this time it was 60% off. What a deal! The young man decided he would buy some gear and finally learn how to fish. With a newfound excitement in his step, he opened the door and walked into the store. He made a beeline for the fishing rod, eager to get a feel for it in his hands.

Out of nowhere, the store clerk grabbed him from behind and wrestled him to the ground. Shouts and fighting ensued, until the young man finally broke free and stood up, ready to defend himself against another attack. β€œWhat in the world are you doing?!?” the young man asked, still trying to catch his breath.

The store clerk motioned to the blinking sign above the door that read, β€œBait and Tackle”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/he_who_dared
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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A Car Shaped Like A Chicken Won the Pinewood Derby.

Judges said it was poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrixyUkulele
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Windshield wipers

Wife: it's not raing too hard. Can you turn the windshield wipers down, they are making me motion sick. Me: Don't you meen they are making you SEE sick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazupy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Variations on Cake by the Ocean

Having dessert in Professor Snape's class? That's
Cake by the potion

Having dessert while moisturizing your skin?
Cake by the lotion

Having dessert in limine?
Cake by the motion (mine)

Having dessert along with kinetic force?
Cake by the motion (my daughter)

Having dessert while dividing it?
Cake by the quotient

Having dessert while you blow things up?
Cake by the explosion

Having dessert while you come up with an idea?
Cake by the notion

Having dessert while watching chaos?
Cake by the commotion

Having dessert next to someone who is getting a new job? Hopefully it's
Cake by the promotion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Elon Musk is a good person because...

Tesla makes E-motional cars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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the chicken dance is seductive and sexy...

it is... po-ultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I want to learn about inertia

But I just don't know how to get the ball rolling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/--Giraffe--
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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I don't know why the chicken crossed the road

but it was poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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When I play country music for my chickens they start to sway and circle the coup to the music...

It's poultry in motion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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What technology does the Chinese Government use to determine which dance moves are appropriate and respectable?

Motion censors

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Now that we’ve discussed β€œwhy the chicken has crossed the road”, what does it look like?

It’s poultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xOffthepost
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Why did a chicken cross the road?

Because it is poultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortalily
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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why are politicians so frustrating to argue with?

because they always act on aMotion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Elon Musk is a famous and likable person because...

His company Tesla makes E-motional cars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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[Not Joke] Petition to change upvotes and downvotes to upwards and downwards facing spatulas.

Idea behind each: Upvote = burger flip motion for burgers flipped, hence my 1k karma / burgers flipped

Downvote = Drop your spatula, that was an actual bad joke, kinda like this post.

And always remember, here’s one in Spanish: Uno.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paparabbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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How do crazy people walk?

Loco motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaytix1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I’ve just completed a self defense course…

I wouldn’t recommend anyone attack me in slow motion now…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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I was on a train in Mexico when its started crazily rocking from side to side

it was a loco motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Got my gf at the gym

My lady and I workout together during the week. Yesterday was chest day and we usually start with incline DB press. She pumps out her second set very well: controlled reps, full range of motion. I was proud to see her progress. She said the weight felt easy, to which I replied, "you could increase the weight... if you were so inclined." She muttered "oh my goodness..." and walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hu_lee_oh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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The meeting of the Earthquake Research Club was over quickly...

It was called to order at 8 and adjourned at 8:02 by a motion from the floor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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What do you call a chicken dancing ballet?

Poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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There’s a magician

who claims he can heal anyone with magical crystals. He announces to a crowd, β€œanyone who needs something healed, step right up and I can heal you with my powers!” Someone steps up, on crutches. β€œHi, I’m Phil, can you fix my leg?” He asks. β€œYes! Of course! Phil, step behind the curtain!” Answers the crystal guy. Then, another man steps up. β€œYou seem fine! What’s the problem?” The crystal guy asks. β€œI h-h-have ha-had this st-stutter since I wa-was five.” He said. β€œOk, I can fix you right up!” The crystal guy says, motioning the guy with the stutter behind the curtain. Then, he says some sort of chant, moving crystals around. Once he is done he shouts, β€œPhil, throw a crutch over to prove you’re healed!” A crutch goes flying over the curtain. The crowd gasps. β€œNow, sir, with the stutter, say something!” He shouts, showing off it worked. β€œU-uh Ph-Phil fe-ell d-down.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucyyThomas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Two men were having a contest..

The Englishman and Cowboy were tied in a contest of who was better, when the crowd decided that, as a tie breaker, they were to perform a live poem and incorporate the words "Hunting" and "Timbuktu."

The Englishman went first:

"The hunting is always grand, When in search of good land. Off in the caravan we pursue, Looking, for Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild, knowing that the cowboy couldn't win the contest, the Englishmans poem was just too good. He smiled as well, and stood aside for the cowboy.

The cowboy paused for a moment as if remembering something, then recited:

"Well it was Tim and I, off huntin we went, When I spied three women in a tent. I motioned to Tim, and he saw them too, Then I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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If a group of geese is called a gaggle, shouldn't a group of squirrels be called a squiggle?

A squiggle of squirrels!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreemanForever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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