I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldnโ€™t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mjleak72
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What do you call singing in motion?

walk-apella

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JayDeeVeeYes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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If a cat wrote the laws of motion, what would you call the cat?

Isaac Mewton.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/postmodernpotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...

I told him I miter saw who it was...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Iโ€™m gonna create perpetual motion

Nobody can stop me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AWESOMEJ27
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I've been working on a perpetual motion machine my whole life.

I can't stop working on it!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EricICX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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A Haiku in motion.....
๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mr-gem-524
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
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I read a famous actress is very excited to star as a pregnant woman in a motion picture

Personally I think she's just ovary acting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stanfan114
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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What do you call a film that's entirely in stop motion?

A non-stop motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/extendedlead
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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What do you call a Xenomorph motion detector?

A Giger counter.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ryotaiku
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
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After third law of motion. Isaac's life took a ...

Newton.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/v_cleaner
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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We were talking about motion sensors, when my dad said...

"I used to have a motion sensor. We called them mood rings."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weightroom711
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2017
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What is called it when you get motion sickness on a submarine?

Underseasick.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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Poultry in motion.

Co-worker and I were talking about his contract here, and if he's heard anything about the position here at work. He told me he hasn't, but that he has some other interviews coming up.

"I don't want to keep all my eggs in one basket" he tells me.

"That's right." I reply. "You should keep them in the fridge so they don't spoil!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TrainAss
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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What kind of music do wind turbines like? imgur.com/TJUIW3h
๐Ÿ‘︎ 73
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KipsBay2181
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/InfyPlayz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", then shouldn't "bomb" be pronouncedโ€ฆ

"BOOM?!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 556
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2020
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A chicken crossing the road...

is poultry in motion.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jigsatics
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What is the coolest lake in the world?

Lake Chad...

slow motion sunglasses in front of explosion.gif

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dantr1x
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02
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What should you call a Russian Wedding?

Soviet Union

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_BoogiepoP_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A Car Shaped Like A Chicken Won the Pinewood Derby.

Judges said it was poultry in motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TrixyUkulele
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Elon Musk is a good person because...

Tesla makes E-motional cars.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kones_6999
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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I want to learn about inertia

But I just don't know how to get the ball rolling

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/--Giraffe--
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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Windshield wipers

Wife: it's not raing too hard. Can you turn the windshield wipers down, they are making me motion sick. Me: Don't you meen they are making you SEE sick

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wazupy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Variations on Cake by the Ocean

Having dessert in Professor Snape's class? That's
Cake by the potion

Having dessert while moisturizing your skin?
Cake by the lotion

Having dessert in limine?
Cake by the motion (mine)

Having dessert along with kinetic force?
Cake by the motion (my daughter)

Having dessert while dividing it?
Cake by the quotient

Having dessert while you blow things up?
Cake by the explosion

Having dessert while you come up with an idea?
Cake by the notion

Having dessert while watching chaos?
Cake by the commotion

Having dessert next to someone who is getting a new job? Hopefully it's
Cake by the promotion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dedtired
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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the chicken dance is seductive and sexy...

it is... po-ultry in motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/berninicaco3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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When I play country music for my chickens they start to sway and circle the coup to the music...

It's poultry in motion!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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What technology does the Chinese Government use to determine which dance moves are appropriate and respectable?

Motion censors

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/boogerknows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Now that weโ€™ve discussed โ€œwhy the chicken has crossed the roadโ€, what does it look like?

Itโ€™s poultry in motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xOffthepost
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Iโ€™ve just completed a self defense courseโ€ฆ

I wouldnโ€™t recommend anyone attack me in slow motion nowโ€ฆ

๐Ÿ‘︎ 253
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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Got my gf at the gym

My lady and I workout together during the week. Yesterday was chest day and we usually start with incline DB press. She pumps out her second set very well: controlled reps, full range of motion. I was proud to see her progress. She said the weight felt easy, to which I replied, "you could increase the weight... if you were so inclined." She muttered "oh my goodness..." and walked away.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hu_lee_oh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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[Not Joke] Petition to change upvotes and downvotes to upwards and downwards facing spatulas.

Idea behind each: Upvote = burger flip motion for burgers flipped, hence my 1k karma / burgers flipped

Downvote = Drop your spatula, that was an actual bad joke, kinda like this post.

And always remember, hereโ€™s one in Spanish: Uno.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Paparabbit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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why are politicians so frustrating to argue with?

because they always act on aMotion.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/adc2502
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think itโ€™s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine thereโ€™s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just โ€œlending the team a handโ€ by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fanโ€™s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was โ€œhit by pitchโ€?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ballโ€™s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? Thereโ€™d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesnโ€™t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcherโ€™s dinner?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grumpy_princess
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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How do crazy people walk?

Loco motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jaytix1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I was on a train in Mexico when its started crazily rocking from side to side

it was a loco motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dubeykeebler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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If a group of geese is called a gaggle, shouldn't a group of squirrels be called a squiggle?

A squiggle of squirrels!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FreemanForever
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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Two men were having a contest..

The Englishman and Cowboy were tied in a contest of who was better, when the crowd decided that, as a tie breaker, they were to perform a live poem and incorporate the words "Hunting" and "Timbuktu."

The Englishman went first:

"The hunting is always grand, When in search of good land. Off in the caravan we pursue, Looking, for Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild, knowing that the cowboy couldn't win the contest, the Englishmans poem was just too good. He smiled as well, and stood aside for the cowboy.

The cowboy paused for a moment as if remembering something, then recited:

"Well it was Tim and I, off huntin we went, When I spied three women in a tent. I motioned to Tim, and he saw them too, Then I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Why_So_Serious0309
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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Did you hear about the chicken ballerina?

To watch her dance was like poultry in motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 84
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/werdnadrew
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was poultry in motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?

Poultry in motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I don't know why the chicken crossed the road

but it was poultry in motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elokwins
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Why did a chicken cross the road?

Because it is poultry in motion

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mortalily
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Elon Musk is a famous and likable person because...

His company Tesla makes E-motional cars.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kones_6999
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What do you call a chicken dancing ballet?

Poultry in motion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/this_is_grand
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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