Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it...

I probably should have told her about the new electric fence..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerDurdenSEA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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Im quivering in my boots
πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I went camping and one night, a bear ate through my arrow holster. Luckily, my bow and arrows are still intact.

I'm not sure where the bear went, so I'm now quivering in my boots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathapples
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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Have you guys tried blindfolded archery?

You don’t know what you’re missing!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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I was examining a lad's driving test.

At the end, he stopped us outside the test centre.

"You know," I began, "alcohol really impairs someone's judgements..."

The lad's lip quivered, "But I'm not drunk, mister."

"No," I replied, "I am, and you've passed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I get so much anxiety trying to figure out what to put my arrows in…

It makes me quiver.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hujiadadi01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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My girlfriend surprised me with a case for carrying arrows that she made!

I quivered when she gave it to me!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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30 Skeleton puns. Can you handle the skull rattling mayhem?

The Duke of Dance: If i don't stop soon, you're really gonna have a bone to pick with me.

The Duke of Dance: I need to stop being such a numbskull.

The Duke of Dance: help.

Sans: I gotta write these down.

The Duke of Dance: I don't have enough backbone to deal with my own shit

The Duke of Dance: but that's tibea expected.

Sans: I find this humerus.

The Duke of Dance: damn

The Duke of Dance: stole my next one.

The Duke of Dance: I'm not fibulaing you when i say, i'm running out of material. I'm really trying to think of more puns here, but i'm patellaing you, i'm out.

Sans: I don't even know this many bone names.

The Duke of Dance: My cranium is empty. i'm running bone-dry here.

The Duke of Dance: But you'r quite sternum in your wanting of these puns.

The Duke of Dance: don't worry, i'll stop temporalily. Not really tho.

The Duke of Dance: I'm taking these puns to the maxilla.

Sans: Can you make a pelvis pun?

The Duke of Dance: Not really. I can't think of any. So no hip hip hooray here.

Sans: That was alright.

The Duke of Dance: Are you having a femury time?

The Duke of Dance: I find myself sacruming to the need to make puns.

The Duke of Dance: helpican'tstop

Sans: I'm having a pun time.

The Duke of Dance: I'm gonna turbinate my puns, cuz i'm on my last leg-bones here.

The Duke of Dance: i'm getting desperate, you can tell.

The Duke of Dance: I didn't name a specific bone.

The Duke of Dance: Which is almost completely mandableitory.

The Duke of Dance: I have made more puns tonight than i have in a LONG time.

The Duke of Dance: Throw me a bone here, have i made enough skeleton puns?

Sans: There will never be enough skeleton puns. Mind makin' a list for me?

The Duke of Dance: Do

The Duke of Dance: Do you want me to write everything i just said down for you?

The Duke of Dance: I'm quivering at the thought of coming up with more skeleton puns.

Sans: I don't see any arrows.

Sans: Don't be a lazy bones, come up with more.

The Duke of Dance: I'll see you later, my vertebrah.

Sans: Have you any backbone?

The Duke of Dance: I already made that one.

The Duke of Dance: :3

Sans: SCREW IT, I'M MAKING ANOTHER

The Duke of Dance: Not so easy coming up with fresh material, is it?

The Duke of Dance: Also, "quiver" is another name for one of your joints.

The Duke of Dance: I'm just really looking at medical sites for this shit.

Sans: CURSE YOU GOOGLE.

The Duke of Dance: it's tibea expected. <Favorite skeleton pun, using it again

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Start, stop....

Three roommates, a human, a monkey and a dog are watching Netflix when the human and monkey start laughing. The dog rolls his eyes and says β€œThat joke is getting old.” The monkey then says β€œHey, do you want to press play next time?” The human almost chokes on his soda as he starts laughing hysterically. The dog gets up and goes to his room. As he walks off, he turns and with a single tear forming, and his voice quivering he blurts out β€œYou both know I only have paws!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnavant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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I was practicing archery with my dad when...

He hit a really impressive shot. I looked over and said, "Wow, that one would've been deadly."

He looked at me with a serious expression and said, "Was it enough to make you.. quiver?"

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pants_de_Amor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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Why did the archer want to start dating the guy she buys her supplies from?

Because he makes her quiver.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kabukistar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2011
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Bullseye!

I was in a hunting store with my dad and there was a pretty nice sale on some bows there. I was chit-chatting with the cashier and said, "Man, these sales are making me quiver." The cashier thought it was the funniest thing ever :D

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutus64
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Dad-Jokes run in the family, my sister dropped this one on me today

I was driving my younger sister to one of her youth group meetings earlier today and I talked about how I had first seen a funeral procession that morning on the day to school. I started asking several rhetorical questions such as:

  • "Where was the casket? I didn't see one carried by any of the vehicles."

  • "What cemetery are they going to?"

But now here comes the gold...

"It was a long procession...I'm sure (s)he was loved." Turns toward her "Do you know what the stages of grief are? It's weird how we say the human experience is unique for everyone, but almost everyone mourns in the same way. Do you know what happens after the mourning?"

I sat there in awe after having quivered before the dad-joke incarnate in front of me when I hear in response:

"Why of course, the afternoon silly!"

Edit: I accidentally a format

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robertpdot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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