The act of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of champagne against it should be called 'Shiptoasting'.
How do you act big pimpin' at a pool party?
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of their times.
What do you call the act of rummaging around in a purse by a warthog that is good at talking to women?
What multi-talented dinosaur can act and rap?
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
What do you call the act of an Italian having sex with pasta?
Saw an Adam & The Ants tribute act
I said “you’re not Adam Ant!”, he said “yeah i am.” we argued all night, but he really was adamant.
I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart..
...while they've never seen one of his paintings.
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?
My wife acts like she doesn't know that I'm Joking
But then, I remember that she is JoQueen.
My children do the same thing, but then they're just kidding
People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same
...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.
I won’t act like I’m not impressed
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
My Wife told our kids they need to get their acts together.
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.
I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.
People act really weird on the Metro
It must be a sub-culture...
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
Ever since my sex change my son acts like I’m not here...
Maybe it’s because I’m trans-parent
So they are making this movie where Michael J. Fox voice acts for a time traveling chicken.
They call it Bawk to the Future.
My wife takes away my inhaler whenever I act up
To this day, she still takes my breath away
Act as if you are a carrier...
I look just like my dad, but I’m really embarrassed by how he acts.
He’s my apparent aberrant parent
The following depicts scenes of gratuitous heteronormative sexual acts
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...
Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood
Because it's an emergent sea.
When my kleptomania acts up,
Everyone acts like they’re so PC these days
But Mac sales have been going up!
I really want to see Patrick Warburton do a stand-up comedy act where he just reads dad jokes.
That shit would be Kronk.
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
I called to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act…
It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show…"
What do you call a chick that acts like a dude?
My friend wanted to go over our act for the variety show...
What is it called when you witness an act of god in a mirror?
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude and acts lazy?
A beaver that doesn't give a dam!
How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
My magician friend used to have a part of his act where he saws a donkey in half...
It was a half-assed attempt at magic.
My friend told me, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”
It was a third degree burn.
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
Why must you act quickly during a flood?
Because it's an emergent sea.
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
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