When Chris Hemsworth was cast by Marvel they gave him an exercise routine. When asked what he thought of it, he responded
I was Thor just thinking about it.
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “That...sounds like a big step.”
I've decided to base my stand up routine around hollowed-out cones
My "bathroom humor" comedy routine was a failure ...
I couldn't get a single laugh from the guys in the other urinal stalls.
I started pulling the "Hi hungry, I'm dad" routine with my two-year-old. A couple days in, I asked her if she was hungry.
She just laughs and says, "Silly Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm Nona." I didn't expect to be a grandfather so soon...
What was Jesus’ favorite exercise routine?
My wife was telling me about a certain artist's skin care routine
Wife : Do you know (artist's name)? Her skin care routine has 38 steps.
Me : Well, it's not that far tbh.
I have the best skin care routine
It’s not good enough to bring you to tears, but it’ll certainly moisturize.
Why do ballet dancers change their routine right before the show?
To keep them on their toes.
I got stopped for routine check at the airport
turns out my daily routine is more productive than others
Edit: thanks cappuch for better punchline and constructive criticism
I’ve developed an exercise routine for insects, but it isn’t going that well.
I’m still trying to work out the bugs.
Dyeing Routine
A classic Abbott and Costello routine from their radio show – where Bud Abbott is talking about his Uncle Herman who works in a dye factory, and Lou Costello confuses “dyeing” for “dying”
How do one armed people go about the it daily routines?
I tried to get my buddy off his one sided workout routine.
It’s a shame, he’s only half the man he could’ve been
I watched a stand-up routine by a convicted murderer.
The jokes were dead-on, really a killer performance.
I am recovering from a knee injury and wife asked how my morning excercise routine went.
imgur.com/sEI4Q7b
Why do clocks have the funniest stand-up routines?
Comedy is all about timing.
I’m trying to develop a fitness routine for pet insects.
I’m working out the bugs.
I once asked the Queen of Spain about her husband's surprising sex routines...
...she laughed and said: "No-one expects the Spanish King's position."
I went in for a routine checkup, and they took way too much in the blood draw. I was dizzy, and it was a real pain in the neck...
I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.
Ray Davies, Dave Davies and some friends each hired some personal trainers to figure out a training routine.
At first it was hard but eventually they worked out the kinks.
Ever since our son was born, it's been the same routine every morning. First the crying, then a breastfeeding, followed by a nap…
It's the only way I can cope…
My standup routine about statistical inaccuracy went really badly...
It was a comedy of errors.
Somewhere there's a comedian doing a stand-up routine entirely about his own life and it's called his....
I'm an aspiring ice dancer but I'm struggling with my new routine.
I just can't figure eight out!
My father on bathroom routines
I called my family tonight, they put me on speakerphone, and my less than ladylike little sister disappears with "I've got to go take a shit"
My father chimes in with his usual-- "Take one? That's weird, I always leave one when I go to the bathroom"
I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “I don’t know. That seems ....like a big step.”
I asked my wife, “ I’m thinking of starting an exercise routine. What do you suggest?”
Her: Why don’t you try lunges?
Me: That sounds like a huge step.
I asked my wife ideas for an exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “That sounds....like a big step.”
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine. She said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “That’s .... a big step.”
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