Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.

Me: I’m not David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

👍︎ 28
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A company with travelling salespeople had an accounting procedure...

There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:

"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If a lawyer gets a hip replacement surgery, do they call the procedure a rebuttal?
👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/golubeerji
📅︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do medical insurance companies call an elective procedure?

A splurgery.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/nathan_w
📅︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do doctors call the procedure to turn a female to male?

Sir-gery

👍︎ 8
💬︎
👤︎ u/RiceNiqqa
📅︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The very first sex change procedures were perfected in ancient Egypt...

...they became quite skilled at making daddy's into mummy's.

👍︎ 17
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
After a procedure... Doctor: Avoid strenuous activity for the next two weeks

Me: Can I play piano?

Doctor: Yes you can.

Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.

👍︎ 135
💬︎
👤︎ u/swatttt007
📅︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?

$5,318,008

👍︎ 51
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new pissing pandemic and its safety procedures ?

If not, well then I guess urine danger.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/vinnlo
📅︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What repeatable, documented procedure do artists use when formulating the perfect shade of blue?

The Cyantific Method!

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/EyeTack
📅︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A Buddhist refused anaesthetic during a root canal procedure. His goal?

Transcend dental medication.

👍︎ 83
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the name for the medical procedure in which caviar is harvested?

Sturgery!

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/Zombywoolf
📅︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor used some light sedation for my procedure the other day.

Not sure if it was working though because I didn’t feel a thing.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
During a recent painful procedure at my dentist's office...

It was suggested by his assistant that I keep my thoughts focused on my "happy place". I said, "No problem, I practice transcen-dental meditation" Not even a snicker from the two of them.

👍︎ 64
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm getting Lasik and I keep hearing that it might smell burnt cornea during the procedure, and my coworker says ...

"it'll smell like pop-cornea."

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/nikiverse
📅︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad had a procedure done a few weeks ago and told me he was in the hospital for a follow up cat scan.

I interrupted and asked if he remembered what type of cat.

[Yes, I used a dad joke on my dad. He taught me well.]

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
procedure is now known as an addadictomy salon.com/2015/03/13/firs…
👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/rudeboyx
📅︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
I frequently dad joke my lab, I hid this one in a procedure room for my next unfortunate victim. (X-post from r/labrats)

Sorry, this one only works as a picture: http://imgur.com/a/JwNOc

👍︎ 20
💬︎
👤︎ u/neuropean
📅︎ Apr 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Dr, will I be able to play the piano after the procedure?

Sitting with my father in the pre op room before he gets stints put into his arteries. Dr is talking to him about what they will do and various risks etc. Dad: Dr, will I be able to play the piano after the procedure? Dr: Yes, I see no reason why this procedure would stop you from doing that. Dad: Great! I've never knew how to play before! Then he continues to giggle and laugh as the dr continues to go over his procedure, and they didn't even give him the Valium yet.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.