My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..
..She always had little patients.
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.
Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
When the road is a bit rocky...
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadn’t cleaned the house all year
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
Let me give you a bit of advice....
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
My employer asked me to tell a bit about myself
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...
She has a nice piece of asp!
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
I know, I know... This pun was a bit nutty
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused.
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
my friend bit me and told me I was transgender
so I said “oh wow, I didn’t know it could transpire”
Many Folks Don’t Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.
They call them Jingle Berries.
I was going to tell an Amish joke, but it's a bit insensitive
But then I remembered they'll never read it here anyways.
It’s a bit calculated to understand this pun
What do you call a guy who comes across a bit rude and abrupt?
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
... so I bought a seal iron
Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...
Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
My infant son is a bit constipated. My wife was like "I want to weigh him today" and I said that's not a good idea. She asked why...
Because he is full of shit.
She responded "you shouldn't say that"
I responded "what he just lies all day."
I am not proud of this... okay maybe a little bit
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
I saw yet another fence joke but this one seemed a bit out of line
So I offered to repost it
A bit nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials.
The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.
What's yellow, and a bit bent?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Man, 2020 is rough. But I have a little bit of hope for you.
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
Heres a bit of advice for you all
Crypto-currency has become so popular in Iceland that bit-mining has now overtaken the country’s music industry in total bandwidth usage.
This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s Björk has always been worse than their byte.
Doing a bit of money laundering.
My doctor bit my neck and tried to give me a hickey.
1 star review for Dr. Acula
Australia’s recovery from Covid-19 is a bit like a Spice Girls reunion
Victoria ruins it for everyone
A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?” He sighed...
"It’s a moving violation!"
Got bit by a sheep tic amidst this pandemic
Now I have corona and lymes
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.