My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..

..She always had little patients.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.

My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.

Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
When the road is a bit rocky...
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_Jockstrap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in

Hadn’t cleaned the house all year

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the1nonlyevilelmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered

But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tetrahedral_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"

The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...

I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Let me give you a bit of advice....

Advi....

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teRi9229
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My employer asked me to tell a bit about myself

1

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iskelmaikel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Bit of a long one but this was 6 years ago i punned at my sister for an hour reddit.com/gallery/k2ad0t
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam10boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...

She has a nice piece of asp!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.

I'll call it Little Seizures.

πŸ‘︎ 438
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I know, I know... This pun was a bit nutty
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loam_Lion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused.

I'd never met herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryan22000044
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
my friend bit me and told me I was transgender

so I said β€œoh wow, I didn’t know it could transpire”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Punny & a bit wholesome.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Many Folks Don’t Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.

They call them Jingle Berries.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchpeederMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell an Amish joke, but it's a bit insensitive

But then I remembered they'll never read it here anyways.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soaraf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a bit calculated to understand this pun
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What do you call a guy who comes across a bit rude and abrupt?

Kurt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly

... so I bought a seal iron

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...

Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientVariety
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.

She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My infant son is a bit constipated. My wife was like "I want to weigh him today" and I said that's not a good idea. She asked why...

Because he is full of shit.

She responded "you shouldn't say that"

I responded "what he just lies all day."

Real convo

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwestwood186
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I am not proud of this... okay maybe a little bit
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw yet another fence joke but this one seemed a bit out of line

So I offered to repost it

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/codeninjaking42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A bit nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials.

The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно ΠΈ я Π΄ΡƒΠΌΠ°ΡŽ, Ρ‡Ρ‚ΠΎ Π²Ρ‹Ρ‚Π°Ρ‰ΠΈΠ» ослиныС ΡƒΡˆΠΈ.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pot8toes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's yellow, and a bit bent?

A banana.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyWithMeh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.

He did a lovely job of the landing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Man, 2020 is rough. But I have a little bit of hope for you.

h

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emrakull
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.

Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Heres a bit of advice for you all

Advi

πŸ‘︎ 679
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brosthetic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Crypto-currency has become so popular in Iceland that bit-mining has now overtaken the country’s music industry in total bandwidth usage.

This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s BjΓΆrk has always been worse than their byte.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReviveTheCronut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Doing a bit of money laundering.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelavenderlily
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor bit my neck and tried to give me a hickey.

1 star review for Dr. Acula

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Australia’s recovery from Covid-19 is a bit like a Spice Girls reunion

Victoria ruins it for everyone

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3Gums
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?” He sighed...

"It’s a moving violation!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Got bit by a sheep tic amidst this pandemic

Now I have corona and lymes

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbonemistake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

πŸ‘︎ 625
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.

He made a lovely job of the landing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommadds
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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