Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...

He always wants to practice his chipping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Munch
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CADborted
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
for lack of an intresting title
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is addicted to watching other people eat a gingerbread house.

Doctors are calling it munch housing by proxy.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 682
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.

This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œSpecial Mowing Unit”
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jennim5588
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died after eating too many gingerbread houses last Christmas.

Doctors said it was munch housin’ syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.

They said he'll be given a tough sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Think I'm giving Halloween a miss this year...

After all, I've been munching sweeta and wearing a mask since March.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Cheesin’

My girlfriend and I opened a new pack of pre-sliced cheese. As we’re munching, I hold my mouth in pain and say β€œOw!” She asked what was wrong and I said, β€œWell no wonder my mouth hurts, the package says this is extra sharp cheddar.” She was not amused

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
As a kid, I thought veganism and lesbianism were the same thing.

I realize now, both lifestyles lack meat

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What sticks between your teeth and sings?

Elvis parsley.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Came home late last night to find cows loitering in my front yard

A small group of calves were munching on my front flower beds, and mooving slowly towards the woods. Thought about calling the cops to report a bunch of mooligans, but I didn't really have a beef with them. Haven't seen hide nor hair of them since!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/booknerdgirl4ever
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Hansel and Gretel were both quite ill before they met the witch.

They had Munch housen syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Are cannibals considered munchkins?

Munch kin, eh?

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uberlad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Last Summer With My Girlfriend

Last summer, my girlfriend and I went camping. One of the days, we were having lunch by a river (a kind of a picnic sort of thing). Now, I talk a lot when I eat, so she finished eating waaaaay before I did. Once she was finished, she took to the water to cool off while I continued munching away.

Now, I guess she must have slipped or something, because all of a sudden I heard a cry and she was just gone. Washed away. I saw her head bob above the surface probably 20 yards downstream, and moving fast towards some rapids (probably 100-150 yards away). So I'm pretty panicked at this point, but she manages to grab onto a low-hanging branch (just like in a movie or something). She's coughing and sputtering and hollering for help, trying to keep a grip on the branch.

So, I set down my avocado I'd been snacking on and walked out into the water. "hurry! I can't hold on much longer," she's yelling. I kept walking towards her, but the bottom of the river was so muddy that it was probably pretty slow. She started to get angry with me "SWIM over here! Why are you walking? Please hurry!" She yelled, with great urgency. All in all, it took me probably 8 minutes to cover the 80 yards or so to get to her. After I rescued her, she was super mad for some reason. She was all "I almost died, why were you going so slow? Who does that? What's wrong with you?"

"Well," I said. "Good things are worth wading for."

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRiz89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Lactose Intolerant

My boyfriend and I were making tacos for dinner tonight. I was grating the cheese and munching on it when I mentioned that I was lactose intolerant. He responded, "You shouldn't judge those who lack toes, its not their fault."

I hope he's the father of my children one day.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GigglyGoose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
🚨︎ report
A dad joke for the holidays.

I was munching down on chocolate from my advent calendar, having forgotten to eat the previous couple day's pieces. My mom notices and says:

"Is this your way of saying youre too old for advent calendars?" (I'm eighteen)

"No, Im just bad with dates."

My dad speaks up:

"Is that why youre single?" Then laughs together with my mom.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beauly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the manatee ground her son?

She caught him munching on seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget from West Virginia?

My dad called me up one day, and started to deliver this one to me as if it was something he had actually heard on the radio.

"So I heard on the radio that there was midget in West Virginia that got arrested for giving oral favors to his sister... Apparently, he didn't know that it was illegal to munch kin."

I hung up on him.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mostlyharmless27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2013
🚨︎ report
Proud of my gf for this one

Background: I moved to Europe recently and got a European girlfriend. One of my favourite things to do with her is when she tries to correct my horrible pronunciation I just keep repeating the word the same way and she keeps trying to correct me until she realizes.

So this happens when we were talking about MΓΌnchen. I said "Munch'n" (on purpose) and she said something like Moonkien. This went back and forth until I said "Munch'n... Oh man I love this game" to which she replied "Munch'n, how do you play that game?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mattmcd87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm a Bit of an Airhead... (Dad Joke Courtesy of My Mom)

Whenever I have a lot of school work to do in a short period of time, I like to get a bag of candy to munch on while I work. Today I have a big essay to write, and since my mom was already out I decided to ask her to pick some up for me.

Me: Can you pick up airheads for cramming purposes?

Mom: Wouldn't smarties work better? ;P

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cherrymaelstrom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My history teacher cracked this one

We were doing early morning review sessions for AP euro. I was running late and instead of cooking breakfast, I just grabbed a package of ramen noodles to eat in review.

While in review, I was happily munching on my 'breakfast' when my teacher walked up to me. The following conversation ensued.

Teacher: What are you eating?

Me: Just some ramen.

Teacher: Raw?

Me: Yeah, I like it raw.

Teacher: You don't cook it?

Me: Sometimes when I have the time.

Teacher: Well, you know, if you cooked it, it wouldn't be RAWmen.

groan

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gazzy7890
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.