18 Hilarious On the bit Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...

Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?

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📅︎ Nov 26 2020

We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.

He made a lovely job of the landing.

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👤︎ u/Tommadds

📅︎ Jun 09 2020

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The project to restore Big Ben was a bit behind schedule, so the construction company put on a third shift...

Men are now working around the clock.

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👤︎ u/KW-DadJoker

📅︎ Jul 19 2020

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I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

“OK,” I said, “buth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

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👤︎ u/mlucasr

📅︎ May 25 2020

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I fell in love with the tick that bit me when I was on a trip to Rome

It was a Romantic gesture

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👤︎ u/Nitefury07

📅︎ May 18 2020

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Doing my bit for the environment, minimising my carb-on footprint

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👤︎ u/KnightB3ar

📅︎ Jul 21 2019

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So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?

Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.

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👤︎ u/tyrannosaur85

📅︎ Jan 22 2020

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Did you hear about the woman who went on vacation and got bit by a shark?

Her trip cost her an arm and a leg.

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👤︎ u/PurpelBananas

📅︎ Aug 04 2019

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My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.

Another season, another bad crop.

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👤︎ u/Chateau512

📅︎ Jun 27 2019

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My girlfriend and I were hiking yesterday, I was leading the way on the trail a bit ahead of her and she chimed out, "Is that a safe way?"

I said, "Honey, are you feeling okay? I don't think there are any grocery stores out here in the wilderness."

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👤︎ u/winkyfacealbert

📅︎ May 16 2018

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So a meeting stretched on for a bit too long, and the client said 'I wouldn't mind a light lunch'.'

So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'

Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.

I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.

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👤︎ u/AnalFissureSmoothie

📅︎ May 20 2015

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Since we park on the driveway, drive on the parkway, and pay tolls on the freeway, doesn't it seem a bit risky to shop at Safeway?

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👤︎ u/onejdc

📅︎ Feb 14 2019

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There was a man on the side of the road throwing bits of ice at taxis that drove by.

A concerned passerby stopped and asked him why he was throwing ice at taxis.

The man replied, "I'm hailing a cab."

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👤︎ u/WillKay10

📅︎ Nov 30 2018

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What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

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👤︎ u/brookscorbs

📅︎ Sep 26 2018

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I was reading Peter Pan and was on a really good bit where he fights the villain

I was Hooked

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👤︎ u/Doctordoom55

📅︎ Apr 14 2018

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I don't care what anyone says, on a digital clock, the lower horizontal bit on the 8 is better than the middle or top bit...

And that's the bottom line.

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👤︎ u/BeardFM

📅︎ Aug 10 2016

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So, this is a little bit unoriginal but it's my first own dadjoke that I came up with on the spot, so I was proud to know I might hone my skills in the future to be a great/horrible dad.

Friend: Text me when you have time.

Me: When you have time.

Friend: ...

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👤︎ u/shockingnews213

📅︎ Feb 11 2015

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I dropped this one on the wife after getting back from a run about an hour ago. She groaned a bit, then laughed.

So I just got back from a run, and must have eaten something earlier, because as soon as I came inside, I ripped a really loud, nasty fart. I jokingly blamed it on her, and she laughed a bit until she smelled it. As she was busy plugging her nose I lay this on her.

Me: Well you know what they say, the one that smelt it is the one that dealt it. Her: That's not funny, I know it was you, that saying doesn't make any sense right now. Me: I think it makes a lot of scents. Wah-waaah..

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👤︎ u/FuckYouPanda

📅︎ Jun 24 2014

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