What did one acrobat say to the other before their performance?
"Catch you on the flip side."
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
I once did a theater performance on puns...
I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night.
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Did you hear about the opera singer who faked every performance?
What is the difference between an art installation and performance art?
Crap on your neighbors doorstep then ring the doorbell - that's an art installation.
Ring the doorbell THEN crap on his doorstep - that's performance art.
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
For my next performance I will sort out my checking account while on a high wire
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
Someone told me of this alcholic guys ghost that got fired from his haunting job for poor performance.
Apparently, he couldn't handle his boos.
You might not like it, but this is what beak performance looks like...
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
What do you call a comedy performance done by a paraplegic?
I don’t know, but it’s not stand up.
What performance do get out of a Kia with a flat tire?
Over the weekend I took my wife to the theatre to see a performance that was all about puns.
My dad lost his job at the sausage factory today. They told him at his performance review...
"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst
Did you hear about the professional skier who started to use performance enhancing drugs?
He went downhill real fast.
I went to a theatrical performance about the dictionary
Thought I would have more fun, but it was really just a play on words.
The orchestra's performance wad canceled right after the last rehearsal was done.
It was quite disconcerting to everyone.
If you yell, “Encore!” at the end of a drum line performance...
... be ready to deal with the re-percussions.
My mime friend's best performance is when he acts like a piece of paper...
I knew a lead actor who really did "break a leg" when he slipped off the stage during his performance.
He had a really great cast.
The Polar Vortex forced them to cancel tonight's performance of Hamilton in Chicago.
Once again, brrr killed Hamilton.
Who wants to see a performance by shadow puppets?
Let's have a show of hands!
I hate people who watch street performances but never give the artists any money.
But then I’m a mime, so I can’t really talk.
A free performance by the singer of U2 is
Last night I watched a performance of the accapella group from the nearby army base.
The company's performance was so abysmal that it quickly became the joke of Wall Street.
They called it a laughingstock.
I went to see a mime improv the other day and the performance was spectacular
Did you hear about the hammer's performance at work?
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me
What fish does an orchestra need before a performance?
My school did a theatre performance on the alphabet.
It was called "a play on words".
After my performance at the shooting gallery, the coach said, "Take a bow."
"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."
I used to know a guitarist who would eat shellfish before each performance
It was the clam before the strum.
Wednesday night's performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cancelled due to extreme weather.
Once again, Brrrrr killed Hamilton.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
I once did a theatrical performance about puns.
I once did a theatrical performance on puns
I'm taking part in a theatrical performance about puns
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