I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldn’t get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
What is keeping a bunch of fish in an aquarium called?
Why don't they use loud music in aquariums?
Because the fishes might get a herring problem
I once went to the CNN broadcasting station. They had an aquarium full of rubber amphibians.
Just as I feared... fake newts everywhere!
I went into a pet shop and asked if I could buy a goldfish, the bloke asked if I wanted an aquarium.
I said I don’t care what star sign it is
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.
Now things are Hunky Dory.
Aquarium owners never snitch
They’re good at keeping sea crits
Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?
What do you call it when a lorry of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
I was walking around this aquarium the other day. When I heard these 2 fish singing....
I think it was Pike and Tina Tuna.
One day a guy went to an aquarium , but they had only one animal
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!
I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!
Why did the Nuclear Reactor have an aquarium nextdoor?
To put all its nuclear fission.
Why does keeping a fish aquarium calm the brain?
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...
and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him
“Sir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!”
My boss looked so surprised, and was silent for a minute or two. Finally, he asked me
“Fur-eel man?”
Get an aquarium for your house.
It helps stimulate positive thinking in your brain because of all the indoor fins.
Me and my spouse own an aquarium.
Today I accidentally set loose the dolphins.
My wife has no porpoise.
We were at the aquarium. All dads in the vicinity made the same joke.....
There was a man cleaning a tank but all you could see was his hand. My dad leans to me and says "look! It's a rare hand fish."
The dad next to us with his two kids said "look everyone? Do you see the hand fish? That ones my favorite."
As we walked a way another family walked up and I heard their dad say "here we have the hand fish."
Edit: I told my dad about the response this is getting, to which he replied "Wow. Is it going viral? Should I call my doctor?" (Keep in mind he doesn't know how the internet works.)
What do libraries and small aquariums have in common?
Aquarium humor needed
I work at an Aquarium. Our sister site is a Zoo, and when we have quarterly meetings for all staff members, they call the meeting State of the Zoonion.
I am really trying to come up with a comparable name for our Aquarium all-staff meeting that features some good Aquarium/fish humor. Help!
They had to close the restaurant at the aquarium.
It had served its porpoise.
I went to the aquarium and peed on one of the specimens
The manager saw me and exclaimed "You did that on porpoise!!"
A guy went to a pet shop. “I’d like to buy a goldfish please”. “Certainly sir. Would you like an aquarium?” ...
“I don’t care what star sign it is” The guy replies.
I was at the aquarium and saw two cephalopods helping each other...
It was a clear case of squid pro quo.
If I owned an aquarium store, I’d call it...
Got fired from the aquarium today...
I couldn't get along with the dolphins, and my boss said I lacked any sense of porpoise.
I was at the store deciding between a saltwater aquarium and a houseplant to decorate my home. I finally settled on a beautiful fern.
I said to my wife, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
Having a home aquarium is a great way to feel better.
It provides you with indoor fins
I went to the aquarium today! I saw many animals... And even an Electric Eel!
I asked my dad to bring me a glass of water, so he pointed at my aquarium and said "you have plenty" and walked out, and now everytime I ask for water he does this
Walking into any aquarium or fish restaurant
"(I don't know), y’all, something smells fishy here."
Did you hear about the aquarium that is having an existential crisis?
They lost their porpoise...
Some guy destroyed my saltwater aquarium, so now we hang out all the time.
The enemy of my anemone is my friend.
The pH in my wife’s aquarium is too high...
...bunch of basic fishes.
Why did the dolphin-less aquarium shut down?
It's so sad that aquarium is having financial troubles...
Some might say its floundering
Why makes aquarium fish so happy?
An American and an Italian are in an aquarium.
The American says, "hey, what kind of eel is that?". The Italian replies, "that's a moray".
I was at the aquarium the other day.
Staff members told me that the dwarf seahorse was quite small.
I didn't skip a beat, stating "yeah, he's a bit shrimpy".
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
Did you hear they closed the aquarium?
It’s for training porpoises.
You know those happy aquarium fish...
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